The Football and Wrestling (and REFS!) Connection
I’m not sure which match I was watching this week, but the results clearly let me know, I was watching a Vincent K. McMahon World Wrestling Entertainment production. Apparently, the death of the XFL allowed him to do what Donald Trump could not do: kill a professional football league and then become a part of the National Football League. There is no other way to explain what happened at Summer Slam Week Three of the NFL.
(Speaking of Trump: Goodell vs Trump hair vs hair Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a hair vs hair match like The Donald had with Mr. McMahon?)
THE IRON MAN MATCH GOES OVERTIME
Three games this week went into overtime. Without any research, I can scientifically tell you: that’s a lot. Only six of the 16 games were decided by more than one score. There was a lot of back and forth and a lot of grit in these games. This is most like one of my favorite matches in Wrestlemania history and features “Mr. Wrestlemania.” The Showstopper. The Icon. The Main Event. The Heartbreak Kid Nick Folk! I mean Shawn Michaels. When HBK hit Bret Hart at Wrestlemania XII with the Sweet Chin Music in the sudden death overtime of the first ever Iron Man Match, it gave the Rocker his first championship.
THE MONTREAL SEATTLE SCREWJOB
“The officials didn’t screw the Packers. The Packers screwed the Packers.” I’m pretty sure Goodell is hated as much in Wisconsin as Mr. McMahon is in Canada, but there has been one argument about Monday night’s game that I can’t dispute: the Packers shouldn’t have left it up to the officials. They should have won the game earlier. And then when they did see that touchdown stand, they could have done the proverbial spit-in-the eye and not come out of the locker room for the extra point as Golden Tate apologized. Of course that kind of mutiny would have been more like …
Alundra Blaze dumping her title on Nitro (and yes, that’s Steve McMichael) or if Aaron Rodgers taking his discount double check to the UFL a la Ric Flair or if he just did a Lambeau Leap CM Punk style. (Not sure if the uncle of Rams linebacker James Laurinaitis would get involved though.)
Even if none of those post-score scenarios happened, why couldn’t we at least have the Fink come on to do what he did the first time we saw this, in 1994? (start at 56 minutes).
EVERYBODY HAS A PRICE FOR … JOHN HARBAUGH?
If Monday night was the Pay-Per-View, Sunday night was the Smackdown leading up to it. But I don’t think anyone outside the northeast sees Belichick as Hulk Hogan.
MATT SCHAUB IS NO LONGER ALL EARS (7:36)
When Cactus Jack stepped into the squared circle against Big Van Vader, he wasn’t expecting to leave his ear there in Germany. But that’s what happens when you face the Mastadon. Matt Schaub joined the Cactus Jack Club when he met up with The Man they call Joe Mays.
AS GOD AS MY WITNESS, HE IS BROKEN IN HALF!
Darrius Heyward-Bey didn’t start his game at the top of a cage, but he saw similar results when Ryun Mundy sent him straight to hell.
HE SAT UP!
After the Lions had seemingly killed Rob Beronas, he managed to raise from the dead to get a victory for the Titans.
THE EVENING GOWN MATCH
Since the Lingerie Football League fired Monday Night’s crew, it looks like they will be stuck doing events like this.
THE UNDEFEATED STREAK
Even after all that happened, Roger Goodell still never gave in and “won” the battle against the officials. No matter how it happens, he will find a way to keep his undefeated streak intact.
SUCKED HIM INTO THE ABYSS!
And after all that, Goodell took care of the replacements once and for all.
It really is a shame that the real officials came back. Finally, for the first time since this, we had a Monday Night War on our hands.
If only we could have kept this up until the Super Bowl, we could have seen the end of the Invasion play out properly
And just to mess with your mind a little more.
Dude. This is like the greatest thing I’ve read in a long time. Well done.