August’s answer to Wrestlemania is here. So the Five Man Gang sounds off on predictions once again. After three pay-per-views, the competition heats up like the Divas’ locker room.
And I am once again embarrassed.
And the results so far.
With that out of the way, I have to start thinking like a McMahon to figure out what the results will be.
Pre-show: Dean Ambrose (c) vs Rob Van Dam for the United States Championship
Parker: This RVDean match should be a really good one as Ambrose has an ECW feel about him. Mr. Monday Night will push him to another level and teach him what kind of worker he can become. I LOVE what WWE is doing with their Attitude Era superstars.
Chris: Ambrose will win an entertaining match vs. RVD.
Derek: RVD, but Ambrose retains.
Cody Rhodes vs Damien Sandow
Parker: This is the one that messes with my mind the most. I see a few scenarios: A) Cody wins and goes to Night of Champions for a World Heavyweight title match where A1) He wins the match and Sandow cashes in on him or A2) Sandow cashes in on this show and Rhodes meets him for the championship at NoC or B) Sandow wins this match with some tomfoolery heelish stuff, and they continue their feud without a belt on the line. Any of the scenarios in A are what they should do, but I have a feeling we get stuck with more boring Alberto del Re-run. At least Sandow has a super cool briefcase!
At MITB, we all picked Cody, and Sandow won. But now we are all picking Sandow. I’m changing my mind and going Cody to win.
Chris: Sandow will take out Cody and continue his roll.
Jon: Sandow over Cody with hijinks feud to continue
Derek: Rhodes dominates, but Sandow pulls out the win.
Alberto del Rio (c) vs Christian for the World Heavyweight Championship
Parker: I am so bored with del Rio. He’s been in the World Championship picture far longer than he deserves. I really want Christian to win it for the Peeps and then have Sandow cash in on him (you can’t have a heel-on-heel cash-in), but I keep screwing up my del Rio predictions. Since I just changed my last prediction, I’m taking Captain Charisma here in his “One Last Match” to be “epic” and earn him the title only to have Sandow take it from him. Man, that would reek of awesomeness!
Dillon: Del Rio
Chris: Christian pulls off the win over a stale Alberto Del Rio only to turn it over to Sandow after he cashes in his contract.
Jon: Del Rio over Christian
Kane vs Bray Wyatt (Ring of Fire match)
Parker: I really wish WWE would pay off Darian Misko or pay Twitter to force him off his handle because his 11 tweets (none since September of last year) is a waste of @TheBuzzards. Poor Kane gets picked on by every NXT trio that comes into the WWE. I bet we get another great Kane run out of this. He has done so well with so many types of story lines over the years.
Bray Wyatt will show how talented he is.
Dillon: Bray Wyatt
Chris: Bray in a slobber knocker
Jon: Dominant win for Bray over Kane
Derek: Wyatt. Kane is taken out for a few months.
Dolph Ziggler and Kaitlyn vs Big E Langston and AJ Lee (mixed tag team match)
Parker: I could care less on this one. I don’t like that they gave away the Ziggy vs Big E match on RAW, and didn’t give it the time it deserved. E and Lee have each others’ back. The girls are ruining Zig’s life.
Dillon: Big E and AJ
Chris: Big E and AJ will steal this one from Dolph and Kaitlyn
Jon: Dolph and man parts over Big E and AJ
Dolph and AJ Lee
Derek: E and AJ
CM Punk vs Brock Lesnar (with Paul Heyman)
Parker: The Best vs the Beast is one of the greatest slogans in the history of great SummerSlam slogans. This will top Brock’s matches with Triple H, and I can’t wait to see it. Punk is having an amazing year even though he hasn’t held the title since January. I just hope we get a match with him and Daniel Bryan by the time we get to Wrestlemania.
Dillon: Brock Lesnar
Chris: CM Punk should win over Brock by outsmarting him but somehow I think Brock wins by screwing over Punk somehow.
Jon: Punk over Brock
Natalya (with the Funkadactyls: Cameron and Naomi) vs Brie Bella (with Nikki Bella and Eva Marie)
Parker: The McMahon family has been sticking it to the Hart family for decades. Davey Boy Smith and Dynamite Kid never got what they deserved; it took them forever to realize how great Brett was; they never saw Owen’s potential and were responsible for his death. Then they messed up what they had with the Hart Dynasty and have no idea what to do with one of the most talented wrestlers on the planet, Tyson Kidd. Oh, and they have scrawny “Divas” with no wrestling skills or passion for wrestling, parading around and running the division *cough cough Bellas cough Eva Marie* while Natty is left being the best total package in the Divas ranks. I hope the daughter of the Anvil gets some great shots in on Brie before this ends in a melee.
Chris: Natty over Brie in a who cares promo for E
Jon: Natty goes over the like able Bella twin.
John Cena (c) vs Daniel Bryan for the WWE Championship (special guest referee Triple H)
Parker: With Hunter as the ref, Daniel has to win this as the McMahon family power struggle continues … again. The twist is that Vince sends Randy Orton (who doesn’t have a match) to cash in, but Triple H and Cena prevent him from cashing in.
Dillon: Daniel Bryan Yes! Yes! Yes!
Chris: If you have missed the giant ball in Cena‘s elbow you have to know he loses the belt tonight but not to Bryan but to Orton after 2 MITB briefcases are cashed in successfully.
Jon: And for WWE title…..it’s Bryan over Cena with some kind of swerve and cash in. At the end of the night it’s Randy Orton standing tall.
Derek: Bryan after some shenanigans. Orton cashes in moments after the match and takes the title off of The Dragon.