When we first started the No Coast Bias Bracket Challenge on ESPN we promised the winner 2 things: 1) They would receive a No Coast Bias shirt (which we’ll be getting sent ASAP) and 2) They would be the recipient of an epic poem extolling the greatness of their bracket from sea to shining sea.
Our champion has been crowned: it’s @LukeCasey34.
Congrats to him for being better than all of us and running roughshod over our puny, worthless, drivel-filled brackets. Here is his poem (*Author’s note: which will also be included in his swag pack)
Casey at the Brack
A champion has risen, like a fiery phoenix from the ashes on the floor
He goes by the knightly name, of @LukeCasey34
A champion among champions, he landed in the 92nd percentile
And danced roughshod over our psyches, a human Gagnam Style
He kicked us all in the brackets, he decimated our picks
He whipped up more internet speculation, than Views from the 6
In a year of busted brackets, that just couldn’t hack it
He went deep in the tourney like Butler, when they Shelvin Mack-ed it.
You rode the hot hand of OU’s Buddy Hield
And shattered our hearts, never to be healed
Jay Wright was your homie, leading you straight to the top
You were Bad Boy, Baby, Can’t Stop and Won’t Stop
Our Brackets fell apart, like tendons in the knees of D. Rose
Like Kardashian ass, you left us internet-exposed
We struggled, we floundered, we stumbled and slipped
You danced right on by us, like a Nae Nae and Whip
And now you’re the champ, you’re Muhammad Ali
So you’re about to get dope-ass threads, to Rep NCB
You’re a hero, the man, Batman minus the cape
This is the biggest win since courts ruled on Hulk Hogan’s Sex tape
Congrats to you, Luke, your bracket stayed the course!
I guess you could say (Wait for it) you used The Force!
So All Hail, Luke Casey, may your name be carved in stone
Not even Grayson Allen could trip you, on your way to the throne!
Bow down before Luke, the behemoth of bracket
He mined all of March’s Oil, even if he had to Frack it
Even though we kind of hate you, for pwning us nubes
We’ll tremble in fear of your prowess like a pack full of Scoobs.
The tourneys now over, our brackets are dead
We’ve combed over your picks, like the hair on Trump’s head
Raise your fist to the air, let your bracket unfurl
You’re Dicaprio in Titanic: You’re king of the world.
(*Author’s note: now everyone bow down before the greatness of Casey!!!!!!! Also, play next year in NCB’s 2017 March Madness challenge for your chance at poorly written poetry and free stuff.)