College Football

Unholy Union: What College Football Coaches Look Like Face-Smashed Together With Their Biggest Rivals

There’s not really anything clever I can say about this. I just wanted to see what would happen if I took an iPhone app and face-smashed together some college football coaches with their biggest rivals.  I wanted to find out who was the most likely to try to take down some of the biggest names in College Football and combine them with the guys staring them down from the opposite side of the field.

Some look pretty good, others are hideous monstrosities that appear to belong in a Sci-Fi — or more accurately SyFy — movie.  Here they are for your enjoyment.

The Rivals: Urban Meyer & Jim Harbaugh

Their Face-Mashed Power Couple Name: Jurban

What they look like: A crazy-eyed alien that loves Khakis and cold Papa John’s Pizza.


The Rivals: Art Briles & Gary Patterson

Their Face-Mashed Power Couple Name: Garty

What they look like: An exhausted, secretive Texan.


The Rivals: Dabo Swinney & Steve Spurrier

Their Face-Mashed Power Couple Name: Spinney

What they look like: A younger, dance-ier version of the Old Ball Coach.


The Rivals: Gus Malzahn & Brett Bielema

Their Face-Mashed Power Couple Name: Malzielema

What they look like: Someone that would walk around shirtless in the locker room while drawing up read-option plays.


The Rivals: Steve Sarkisian & his arch-nemesis, Captain Morgan

Their Face-Mashed Power Couple Name: F*$%ing Fight Onn!

What they look like: A coach who accidentally mixed pills and booze.


The Rivals: Les Miles & Nick Saban

Their Face-Mashed Power Couple Name: Lik Smiles

What they look like: Tom Izzo.  Almost exactly, creepily, like Tom Izzo.


The Rivals: Jimbo Fisher & Any Police Department Ever

Their Face-Mashed Power Couple Name: Jimboned

What they look like: just like a cop from a 1950’s sit-com.


And then I wanted to throw in a bonus mashup for a couple of rivals that are all over the news today, but are otherwise wholly unrelated to college football in 2015.

The Rivals: Tom Brady & Roger Goodell

Their Face-Mashed Power Couple Name: Deflate-Face

What they look like: A little bit like Aaron Eckhart (*Author’s note: whose picture I have included for comparison.)



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