The Ocho: The Issue with the Election

captain america ultimates 16 president election

Welcome to The Ocho: your source for sports, pop culture and (lame) humor. Each week, we give you the best in each of eight categories. The Electoral College calls it “The Ocho.” 

Steve Rogers Captain America president Ultimates 16

Totally didn’t realize he was on the ballot

The election was yesterday so why not a special edition?

Onto The Ocho.

The Love of the Election

Margaret Thatcher Iron Lady

The Iron Lady: the originator of Lady Balls

Margaret Thatcher is one of the most amazing women in history. She wasn’t given power nor came from an influential family. Her father was a grocer (and at one point mayor) whose political affiliation was different than what his daughter’s would become. She started out as a research chemist before becoming a lawyer and then entering politics.

In her first term as prime minister, she faced recession and high unemployment rates (she took office in May 1979). Then there was that whole thing when she told Argentina to go Falkland themselves. She was so awesome Meryl Streep played her in a movie.

The Logical Explanation

NBC was supposed to host the NHL Winter Classic in Detroit this year but were robbed of that this week due to the lockout. With an ice crew and colors for red and blue lines needing to be used, this is the logical explanation for NBC’s Election Night Ice Rink.

NBC ice rink election 2012

We need an NCB ice rink

As a bonus explanation last week former Dallas Maverick guard Delonte West posted his “résumé” on twitter. After being released from the team for various behavioral issues, Dallas finally let him go. The logical explanation for West getting away with so many things (he was once arrested for speeding on his motorcycle while carrying a knife and three loaded guns) is that he was rich and famous. That’s why the perfect job for him is to be a politician. And four years from now, if he’s still looking for a job, the White House will be open.

Delonte West suit tie bench injured

The suit highlights his neck tattoos. Very presidential!

That brings us to your chance to vote. In this era of democracy, would you rather see The Ocho continue to use “The Logical Explanation” as a category, or would you rather have a weekly update on job suggestions for Delonte West?

[polldaddy poll=”6671000″]

Undercard of the Election

Thirteen years ago this Friday, Hollywood Hulk Hogan made clear his intentions to run for president of the United States of America. This came off the heels of the win by Jesse “The Mind” Ventura to be the governor of Minnesota. During the Monday Night Wars this is was a pretty cool way to “capital”-ize on a cool thing in the world of wrestling … and the world of America.


Wonder how the Hulkster would have handled 9/11.


The Video of the Election

In 1960, Richard Nixon had a slight lead in the polls. September 26 changed the American political process. That was the first televised presidential debate in American history. The majority of those who had listened to the debate on radio felt Nixon had won while the majority of those who watched the debate on television felt Kennedy had won.


Song of the Election

Ronald Reagan had one of the most memorable and sung along to campaign songs ever. But it was so ironic that this song that has become associated as a way to celebrate America has lyrics and a meaning that completely disagree with the ones who used it. Here’s the song with lyrics.


Wild Card of the Election

florida editorial cartoon election campaign 2012 caption contest

Such a wild card, it doesn’t have its own caption

Once again Florida is crazy. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t still be hearing lame jokes about “hanging chads.” This election they came back and in Miami once again. Even after polls had closed, there were still long lines for people waiting to vote. Then the state decided not to count all their votes tonight, leaving NBC’s ice rink incomplete.

The Number of the Election


350 third-party electoral votes

350 As in the number of electoral votes won by third party candidates. That’s enough to have won three of the last four elections.

46: George Wallace 1968

15: Harry F. Byrd 1960

1: Walter Burgwyn Jones 1956

39: Strom Thurmond 1948 (including 1 faithless voter)

13: Robert M. La Follette 1920 (only his home state)

88: Theodore Roosevelt 1912

22: James B. Weaver (1892)

72: John C. Breckinridge (1860)
39: John Bell (1860)

8: Millard Fillmore (1856)

7: William Wirt (1832)

I’m not counting 1836 because even though there were five candidates, four of them were from the Whig party.

Which brings us to our most successful third-party candidate …

The Alpha Dog of the Election

Teddy Roosevelt uniform

Speak softly and kick ass

Teddy Roosevelt is so badass he’s had a trio of massive-page biographies written about him by Edmund Morris. He was born the son of an ardent Lincoln supporter father and a mother who cam from a slave-owning family and was a Confederate sympathizer whose brother was a Confederate naval officer/spy for the British. Two days after the birth of his first child, Teddy lost both his wife and mother and still found the courage to move forward and change the world.

He would write one of the best studies of the War of 1812, becoming a recognized historian as a result. In 1884, he first expressed his disgust with party politics -which would come to define him- and retired to become a cowboy in North Dakota. He used that gimmick to campaign for mayor of New York in 1886 before falling victim to more political chicanery. From 1889-1895 he attacked the spoils system as part of the US Civil Service Commission before becoming New York police commissioner and reforming the NYPD.

Then there was that whole deal with leading the Rough Riders in the Spanish-American War and the Battle of San Juan Hill. He became governor of New York and shook things up there before he was made William McKinley’s running mate to balance the ticket and put him in a dead-end job and keep him from doing any more damage to the status quo. McKinley was assassinated less than a year into his term and Roosevelt shakes things up again, working all sides of the aisle.

He won re-election and gave William Howard Taft the keys to the White House and his advice when he left. When Taft didn’t do things the way Roosevelt liked, Teddy started his own Bull-Moose Party and cost Taft the 1912 election. During that election he was shot in the chest but survived the assassination attempt and KEPT CAMPAIGNING!

There are so many more stories to share about the man, but go check out some of the Morris books. Teddy Roosevelt deserves an Alpha Dog lifetime achievement award.

His “Man in the Arena” speech is the greatest sports pep talk ever in addition to being a Miley Cyrus tattoo.

 Click here for the Ocho Archive (todos Los Ochos)

Have suggestions for who you feel belongs in The Ocho?  Think our jokes are lame? KNOW our jokes are lame. Let us know in the comments.



  1. Torsten Adair

    November 7, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    In Miami, where the polls officially closed at 7 PM, people were still voting when Willard conceded the race. Final polling station closed at 12:30. The governor now has a reputation as bad as Katherine Harris.

    And your election hit parade:

    • J Parker Adair

      November 13, 2012 at 5:59 pm

      Interesting that the same song was used in the 2004 election winner and the 2008 election winner. (“Only in America” by Brooks & Dunn)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

To Top