You can’t fanta-see me.
Welcome to TFX: The Fantasy Experiment. While most fans have drafted their leagues, taking players they think will provide them the statistics they need to gain a mathematical advantage over some other fictitious collection of professional athletes, we have put together our own fantasy experiment based on the only statistic that matters: wins.
Based primarily on my own laziness, my inability to update a roster from week to week and my love of tinkering with things that seem to work just fine the way they are, I recruited three friends to partake in this league. The rules are fairly simple: we each draft one team per division, giving us a total of eight teams. You gain one point for each win, and a five-point bonus for having the most points for the week.
Additional points will be awarded for making the playoffs as well as advancing through them. An added bonus will be added to the team achieving the worst record at the end of the season, encouraging the “Suck for Luck” trend that happened last year.
My favorite bonus involves you, the readers. On odd weeks, we will put up a poll, asking you to decide who deserves bonus points based on a specific question.
(Feel free to scroll to the end of Robyn’s post to vote on who had the best draft.)
Now that the rules are flushed out, let’s move on with one of the geekiest things in sports: fantasy. To pick our draft order, I rolled my Dungeons and Dragons dice. That determined who drew first from a stack of Magic the Gathering cards. The person with the most powerful enchantment won the right to pick first. Picks then went round-by-round in basilisk fashion, allowing the person who picked last in round one to pick first the following round and so forth.
The first pick went to Brian Brashaw: a two-time defending fantasy football champion.
The first pick went to Brian Brashaw: a two-time defending fantasy football champion.
I won the second pick, and have never won a fantasy league.
I won the second pick, and have never won a fantasy league.
Andrew Cumbee drafted third. The show “The League” was originally set to be a documentary on the life of this defending fantasy champion.
Andrew Cumbee drafted third. The show “The League” was originally set to be a documentary on the life of this defending fantasy champion.
The final pick went to fantasy league newbie and token girl, Robyn Heisel. She is also the only non-No Coast Bias writer.
With the first pick, Brian took the Patriots allowing me to take my top team the Packers. Cumbee picked the Steelers with the caveat: “I hate them so much. Robyn was able took the “Dream Team” Eagles before she picked her local favorite 49ers, giving Cumbee the Texans and me the Giants. Brian’s next two picks changed the course of the draft. He took his NFC South team with the Saints and then stole Cumbee’s adopted home team the Broncos.
After nerdtron, Cumbee swore in our chat room, violating Terms of Service, I snagged the Ravens (pissing off Robyn), and the dorktator took the Lions. Robyn did not recover so well. Still flustered, she used her 12th and 13th picks on the Bears (19th on my board) and Jaguars (30th on my board). That gave Cumbee the Falcons one pick before I was going to take them. Then I violated TOS before checking my watch and deciding it was Tebow Time.
Apparently Tim Tebow’s magical powers baffled Bronco fan Brashaw who Dallas followed by his second AFC West team the San Diego Chargers.
That sparked this conversation.
Parker: “Brian you already have Denver. You can’t also have San Diego.”
Brian: “I knew that. So I have to pick a team in a division I DONT have… haha I get it. Carolina?”
Cumbee: “They are available. Cool. Parker go. Let’s finish!! Wool”
Parker: “Gotta take the Raiders out of fear Robyn will.”
Robyn: “Despite my dad being a Raiders fan, you are welcome to them.”
Yes, all four of us missed the fact that Brashaw had drafted Carolina despite already having the Saints. His screw up on the first part -paired with Cumbee’s urge to get the draft over- led us to missing that minor detail. Six picks later, Cumbee jumped the gun again, telling us who he had left to draft. That sparked Robyn to do the same and got me all confused, trying to adjust my board. That’s when I realized Brian’s error and Cumbee teetering on having the admins ban him.
After a long time debating the situation, Robyn assured me she still didn’t want the Raiders under any circumstances so Brian agreed to trade me the Panthers (the 17th pick) for my 26th pick, in what seemed like a vintage Vikings draft move. He used that to take the Browns and finished the draft taking Minnesota. Of course, this came after he had first tried to get me to draft the Buccaneers to trade to him for the Panthers.
Below are bios of each player and the teams they drafted.
Below Robyn’s post, please cast your vote for you feel had the best draft. And feel free to be (No Coast) Biased!
Brian Brashaw
Fantasy Highlight: In the championship game last season, I watched Roddy White catch a 12 yard pass in the fourth quarter of a game long over. Those 12 yards gave me the win over the guy that traded White to me earlier that same season. Sweet!
Draft Success story: I successfully followed procedure through round 3.
Draft Disappointment: Not creating myself a spread sheet and trying to draft three NFC South teams. I had the first pick and probably the worst draft.
Draft Strategy: Pick teams I was likely going to follow anyway.
Secret Weapon: Denver, who will win their division, get a home field playoff game and make a run.
| Pick# | Team | Div | JP’s Rating |
| 1 | Patriots | AE | 2 |
| 8 | Saints | NS | 11 |
| 9 | Broncos | AW | 13 |
| 24 | Colts | AS | 24 |
| 25 | Cardinals | NW | 28 |
| 26* | Browns | AN | 32 |
| 32 | Vikings | NN | 26 |
| AVG | 17 |
- Andrew Cumbee
Fantasy Highlight: I won my personal league last year. In order to make the playoffs, I had to defeat my biggest rival in the league. Even though I was best man at his wedding, we live to defeat each other in fantasy football. The stakes were high. He was heavily favored going into the matchup. After Sunday’s games, I was already down by 75 points. It was hopeless. But the Monday night game was Saints and Giants and I had Drew Brees, Victor Cruz and Jimmy Graham. Those three alone gave me a combined 110 points and the greatest win in my fantasy football career.
Draft Success story: I got a team that I genuinely believe will be in the Super Bowl in round 2.
Draft Disappointment: Waiting on the Broncos and not getting them. I just can’t picture a different team winning that division if Manning stays healthy.
Draft Strategy: Picking teams that I thought would either win their division or at least give the top ranked team a good fight.
Secret Weapon: Any of my teams could win their division. I successfully avoided landmine teams like the Browns, the Dolphins, the Vikings, the Cardinals, and the Colts. Sorry, fans of those teams.
| Pick# | Team | Div | JP’s Rating |
| 3 | Steelers | AN | 4 |
| 6 | Texans | AS | 9 |
| 11 | Lions | NN | 8 |
| 14 | Falcons | NS | 10 |
| 19 | Seahawks | NW | 15 |
| 22 | Bills | AE | 25 |
| 27 | Redskins | NE | 27 |
| 30 | Chiefs | AW | 31 |
| AVG | 16.125 |
J Parker Adair
Fantasy highlight: Coming up with this league because I’m too lazy to do regular fantasy football and always forget to change my roster for bye weeks
Draft success story: Snagging three of my top six rated teams
Draft disappointment: Being one pick too late on the Falcons which would have given me four of my top 10.
Draft strategy: I read absolutely nothing online and haven’t followed any of the offseason stuff. I went with my gut and what I think I may have remembered more or less.
Secret Weapon: My mom says, “You have it locked, son. What mom says goes. Tell your friends that!”
| Pick# | Team | Div | JP’s Rating |
| 2 | Packers | NN | 1 |
| 7 | Giants | NE | 5 |
| 10 | Ravens | AN | 6 |
| 15 | Jets | AE | 14 |
| 17* | Panthers | NS | 23 |
| 18 | Raiders | AW | 12 |
| 23 | Titans | AS | 16 |
| 26* | Pick traded | ||
| 31 | Rams | AW | 20 |
| AVG | 12.125 |
Robyn Heisel
Fantasy highlight: When the princess rides the unicorn over the sparkly rainbow. Oh, wait; you mean fantasy *football.* Um, actually taking part in a fantasy football league.
Draft success story: Drafting a team and finding out other people actually wanted it, too.
Draft disappointment: Parker drafting the Ravens before she, a former English major, could have the only NFL team named for a poem.
Draft strategy: Pick teams that she had heard didn’t suck and hope for the best.
Secret weapon: The ability to travel in the TARDIS so I can see who wins each week. Of course, it’s not always reliable, so I also know who’s going to win next year’s Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Competition and I almost got taken out by the Weeping Angels.
| Pick# | Team | Div | JP’s Rating |
| 4 | Eagles | NE | 7 |
| 5 | 49ers | NW | 3 |
| 12 | Bears | NN | 19 |
| 13 | Jaguars | AS | 30 |
| 20 | Chargers | AW | 21 |
| 21 | Bengals | AN | 17 |
| 28 | Buccaneers | NS | 29 |
| 29 | Dolphins | AE | 18 |
| AVG | 18 |
 
JP’s Draft Board
| Pick # | Team | Player | Division |
| 1 | Patriots | B | AE |
| 2 | Packers | P | NN |
| 3 | Steelers | C | AN |
| 4 | Eagles | R | NE |
| 5 | 49ers | R | NW |
| 6 | Texans | C | AS |
| 7 | Giants | P | NE |
| 8 | Saints | B | NS |
| 9 | Broncos | B | AW |
| 10 | Ravens | P | AN |
| 11 | Lions | C | NN |
| 12 | Bears | R | NN |
| 13 | Jaguars | R | AS |
| 14 | Falcons | C | NS |
| 15 | Jets | P | AE |
| 16 | Cowboys | B | NE |
| 17 | Panthers* | B | NS |
| 18 | Raiders | P | AW |
| 19 | Seahawks | C | NW |
| 20 | Chargers | R | AW |
| 21 | Bengals | R | AN |
| 22 | Bills | C | AE |
| 23 | Titans | P | AS |
| 24 | Colts | B | AS |
| 25 | Cardinals | B | NW |
| 26 | Browns* | P | AN |
| 27 | Redskins | C | NE |
| 28 | Buccaneers | R | NS |
| 29 | Dolphins | R | AE |
| 30 | Chiefs | C | AW |
| 31 | Rams | P | NW |
| 32 | Vikings | B | NN |
Please vote for the best draft in the comments.
Head-to-Head Match Ups Week 1
| Brian | Robyn | Cumbee | Parker | Bye | TOTAL | |
| Brian | 0 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 0 | 8 |
| Robyn | 3 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 0 | 8 |
| Cumbee | 3 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 0 | 8 |
| Parker | 2 | 4 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 8 |
I claim ignorance in the Brian-tried-to-draft-Carolina debacle; not only am I the token fantasy newbie, token girl, and token non-No Coast Bias writer in this draft, I’m also the token person who barely knows anything about the NFL…
Point taken
Forty years ago, politicians never realized that Title IX would one day allow women to participate in Fantasy leagues without discrimination or bias!
As the geek who managed to turn Parker onto comics and other sordid literatures, I am rooting for Robyn. Partly for the geekery, partly for the delicious irony if a neophyte outsider wins.
I can’t disagree with that. She’s my second favorite. Of course, we played twice today (and she beat me), twice tomorrow night and five times next week!
And if I lose the bonus points by ONE vote, I know who to come after! I’ll keep that Disney war movies collection for myself!
Which probably makes you the favorite to win it!
Yeah Robyn Im pulling for ya!
Thank you!
I’m liking Cumbee in this one.
Hooray!! Someone likes me best! I think my teams will have the best records overall, though that may not translate to post-season wins. I’m buying into Texans hype though.
I wouldn’t go that far.
I just put up a poll as well. So feel free to vote there too.
I voted with JPA on this. By the way #cumbeesucks
Thank you. The numbers don’t lie. Also updated it so you can see who matches up against each other this week.
Everyone is just so jealous at my Nostradamus-like ability to choose fantasy teams of all kinds.
#cumbeesucks
I created two drafts:
One of teams who have relocated.
One of the worst teams (based on post-season performance, starting with teams which have not made the Super Bowl, teams who never won the Super Bowl, teams with the longest drought…)
Maybe the Jeepster could solicit fantasy drafts from readers!
#3: Animals. Two legs better than four. No legs (Miami) trumps.
#4: Cornhusker alumni. If teams in the same conference tie, tie-breaker is draft ranking. If teams don’t have a current player, then go back in time. Pro Bowl picks rank higher.
#5: Graphic Design. Who has the best helmet logo? The best uniforms?
#6: Uniqueness: Got some weirdness in the team history? You’re in! Uniform curse? No cheerleaders? No mascot? No problem!
#7: Played in baseball stadiums (or other non-football venues).
#8: Diversity: Any team with a player who either has a disability or ethnicity. New Orleans (Tom Dempsey), Denver (Kenny Walker), Kansas City (Norwegian kicker)…
#9+: Colors. (The four-year-old draft. “Honey, why did you pick Denver?” “I like horsies.”)
I love it! That could be a lot of fun. *Mind exploding*