Last week, former Nebraska Defensive Coordinator) made some of his first public remarks since resigning as the head coach at Florida Atlantic University over allegations of marijuana and cocaine use. This follows rumors of marital infidelity from his time at Nebraska.
Fear not friends. Despite a rough end to 2013, Carl is doing well. He’s visiting various college and pro teams in hopes of getting back into coaching, but more importantly, he finally found some time to finish up his novel.
We all know that the thought of a disgraced football coach writing a novel is comedy gold – especially said coach is the big brother of Nebraska coach Bo Pelini.
Since I a) have only read children’s books in the last five years, and b) really suck at Photoshop, I figured I would speculate on the children’s books Carl is likely working on for his next release:
- The Very Horny Caterpillar
- One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Crack Cocaine
- This Little Pelini Went to Jail
- Where The (Girls Gone) Wild Things Are
- Green Eggs and Weed
- Cloudy With A Chance of Mistress
- Pot the Bunny
- Chicka Chicka Bang Bang
- For the slightly older readers, a four-part Harry Potter-esque series: Coach Pelini and the Chamber of Dirty Secrets / Coach Pelini and the Goblet of Four Loko / Coach Pelini and the Half-Stoned Punter / Coach Pelini and Genital Warts at Hogwarts
- The Little Pelini That Could
- Llama Llama Invisible Pajamas
- Puff the Magic Defensive Coordinator
- Old Pelini Had A Gram (E I E I O)
- Pot Goes The Weasel
- Where, O Where Has My Little Bo Gone?
- Humpty then Dumpty