Bryan Gottula

Pac-12 Football Programs as Saved by the Bell characters

In the 1990s, Saved by the Bell aired on Saturday mornings but the show didn’t really hit it big until it found its way into syndication shortly after and started replaying on TBS four times per day. Today, Saved by the Bell has a bit of a cult following and reruns still air on TBS. Unfortunately, most normal people are either sound asleep, piss drunk or passed out when it airs… which also happens to be the same state of mind they’re in when Pac-12 football games are played on Saturday nights in the fall (10PM EST kickoffs had to be what the Four Loko makers had in mind when they invented that stuff). And while that may be an incredibly shitty way to tie these two things together, I’m going through with this anyway. So here are Pac-12 Football Programs as Saved by the Bell Characters.

 

USC is Zack Morris
Any conversation regarding the Pac-12 or Saved by the Bell starts with USC and Zack Morris. They’re both the headliners of their respective groups and make it all look so easy causing nearly everyone else to be envious of their luck and fortune. That and Zack Morris sorta looks like Matt Barkley.

 

Oregon is AC Slater
Zack may show up first in a Saved by the Bell Google search, but don’t sleep on AC Slater. Just like Chip Kelly’s Oregon Ducks, Slater boasts exceptional athletic ability compared to many of his peers and has been known to get the better of Zack a time or two. You also can’t help but notice how the ladies flock to both of these two. Have you ever seen the chicks that go to Oregon? Of course you have.

 

Stanford is Screech Powers
The first thing you probably think of when you hear Stanford or Screech is this and that’s why the two were a match made in heaven. Despite being a bit of an outcast in their environment, both Screech and the Cardinal are deceptive in their abilities to compete at a high level even if they are at a disadvantage in some areas. Plus, I wouldn’t be shocked if Andrew Luck’s middle school yearbook pictures bear a slight resemblance to the one above of Dustin Diamond.

 

Arizona State is Kelly Kapowski
Everyone knows Arizona State is where you go if you wanna party with (or near) chicks that look like Kelly Kapowski. Unfortunately, beyond the smoking hott co-ed scenery the on-field product doesn’t always match the potential. It’s also probably not a huge stretch to assume most of the people at Arizona State lost their virginity at 14.

 

Arizona is Lisa Turtle
Outsiders often group Arizona in the same category as Arizona State because of the obvious similarities… Ya know, that whole being from the same state thing. But while most will argue that Kelly wins in the looks category (though Lisa is no slouch), you’ve gotta think the Wildcats have a bit of a competitive edge (Lisa’s rich)… at least in the most recent moment I can think of.

 

Cal is Jessie Spano
Jessie Spano is intelligent, kind of boring and some might stereotype them for having a “drug” problem when really it’s not a big deal. While us less educated folks wait patiently for Jessie’s scenes to end (similar to the way we don’t wait up late for kickoff of Cal games) you must admit there are times the two provide some great comic relief. This scene for one. Marshawn Lynch tippin’ his whip being another.

 

UCLA is Mr. Belding
I suppose both the Bruins and Belding had their moment in the sun way back when but why do they still get so much play on the show and with recruits? Like the Bayside principal, UCLA’s facilities are old and out of date. These days, though, Richie Belding’s sole purpose seems to be helping his students become adults while UCLA’s purpose is to help other Pac-12 teams get bowl eligible.

 

Washington is Tori Scott
Despite a bit of a rough exterior (Seattle is beautiful but it still rains all the time and is the birthplace of grunge rock), Tori and Washington both manage to be attractive to potential suitors in some hard-to-explain way. And while we fully expect them to be capable of beating the shit out of most of the cast, don’t expect them to get the best of Zack and Slater on any kind of regular basis.

 

Washington State is Max
Max is a quirky and weird dude just like Mike Leach. While Max never really became a focal point of the show, his presence was felt in his brief stint on-air. The Cougars have a tough road ahead of them but if Mike Leach shows the same type of magic in Pullman that he did in Lubbock, maybe he won’t get written off after a few episodes.

 

Oregon State is Ox
I’ll apologize to Oregon State fans, here. There are only so many main characters on Saved by the Bell and the thing you are most closely associated with is AC Slater because you share a state. And while it hurts to hear, I’m sure, the fact is you’re just not nearly as sexy or memorable as they are. On a positive note, though, we do know you’re capable of beating the popular teams ass.

 

Colorado is Johnny Dakota
Buff, buff, pass! Johnny Dakota was only on the show for one episode just like the Buffs have only been in the Pac-12 for one season. That said, the one thing we all know them for is their love of the lettuce.

 

Utah is Mr. Tuttle
It’s hard not to smile when Mr. Tuttle makes an appearance. Maybe it’s Rick Majerus build (yep, that’s a former basketball coach reference… kind of reach here) or his eagerness that borders on naivety, but you can’t help but pull for ’em simply because you know they are in a bit over their head. I mean, c’mon, you always knew the students were gonna have some kind of scheme to one-up Tuttle.

 

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