Entertainment

NCB’s 2017 Fantasy Boy Band Draft

America loves its boy bands. We love the music, sure, but we also love everything else: the group chemistry, the dancing, the personality types (“Harry’s the cute one”) and, of course, the inevitable break-up and ensuing solo careers. The late ‘90s and early ‘00s were undoubtedly the prime years with acts like the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC swooning their way to the top of the charts. The roots of the genre date back as far as the ‘60s with The Jackson 5 (and one could argue, The Beatles) setting the foundation for the genre *NSYNC and New Kids on the Block would one day occupy. With the split of One Direction, there appears to be a vacuum in the genre. ABC attempted to manufacture the next hit boy band this past summer with its new music competition show, Boy Band. We’ll see if they succeeded with winners, In Real Life, but the show itself garnered mixed results. Follow us at No Coast Bias as we examine and commemorate the boy band’s place in American music’s past, present, and future.

Throw the 40 times, reach stats and bench press out the window and let’s focus on choreography, popularity & whose smile melts your heart. This is the No Coast Bias 2017 Boy Band Draft!

We got some members of the No Coast Bias team together to conduct a fantasy draft of boy band members. Following five thrilling rounds of action each team ended the day with some surprises, upsets & one hell of a Mr. Irrelevant.

Check out how everything unfolds and vote for which band’s debut CD you’d buy first.

The General Managers

Boyz Nxt Door: Heather Nelson @heathrnelson 

Old Guys That Won’t Leave the Block and Are Now Trespassing: Robby Cowles @RoBByCowles

Smooth Criminals: Derek Hernandez @DerekTheScribe 

Dipped Vanilla: Dan Soden @DanielSoden

 

~THE DRAFT~

Round 1

Heather: Justin Timberlake – *NSYNC

He’s the best “lead” guy a boyband could ask for, which makes him a great first pick overall and a great first pick, foundational piece for any boyband. He’s got the vocals, the looks, the charm — you name it. Justin’s relevancy lasted far beyond N’Sync and it’s not hard to see why. He’s a talented dude. I’d be lying if I said listening to him sing didn’t make me *swoon*. And c’mon, look at that smile….

Derek: Michael Jackson – Jackson 5

Wait for it…

Robby: Donnie Wahlberg – New Kids on The Block

If it weren’t for New Kids on the Block, there likely would not have been the boy band boom of the late ‘90s and early ‘00s. Donnie may not be the most famous Wahlberg, but his experience with NKOTB makes him an invaluable first round pick.

Dan: Rich Cronin – LFO

This is the guy who wrote Summer Girls…Summer Girls! If that wasn’t enough he was able to throw subliminal message to his then girlfriend, Jennifer Love Hewitt, into just about every song. Also his story about eating an entire pack of dental floss and his father having to pull it out the other end is worth of him getting my first overall pick.

Round 2

Heather: AJ McLean – Backstreet Boys

He might not be on everyone’s “bad boy” list, but every boy band needs a bad boy type. AJ fits just that. He’s got the gravelly vocals, the tattoos, painted fingernails, and is often notorious for wearing sunglasses whenever he wants. Also, let me just remind you all of “The Call” music video. Damn, he was good at letting his girlfriend down.  “…Listen if you can hear me we’re goin’ to a place nearby, alright? Gotta go.”

Derek: Bobby Brown – New Edition

Keep waiting….

Robby: Nick Carter – Backstreet Boys

The most popular boy band in history, it would be criminal to not have at least one member of Backstreet. Everyone’s got a favorite and I always liked Nick the best (probably because of the hair).

Dan: Nick Jonas – Jonas Brothers

Every boy band needs to have a little brother. So why not take the literal little brother from the Jonas Brother? If you ask me Nick was the Shawn Michaels to Joe/Kevin’s Marty Jannetty. He’s basically become Justin Timberlake lite between his acting roles and music career.

Round 3

Heather: Drew Lachey – 98 Degrees

He’s not the first pick for “sexiest member in the boyband” or “best vocals”, but Drew (Nick Lachey’s less handsome brother) has a few things — ok, maybe one thing — going for him: he’s the quirky, fun personality every boyband needs. Honestly, I know more about him from watching him win the second season of Dancing with the Stars, but I enjoy his spunk. Plus, he’s a proven good dancer and boybands need those, too.

Derek: Marques Houston – IMX

Patience is a virtue

Robby: Ricky Martin – Menudo

(Yes, he was really in a boy band in his early days. Look it up.) There are two schools of thought when it comes to drafting talent: choosing based on team need and choosing based on talent alone. I subscribe to the latter thinking. Slick Ricky will bring some spice to the group.

Dan: Jesse McCartney – Dream Street

I run my team with the Bob Buss model so McCartney fills a big void in the Heart Throb slot. He had a much better run solo then he ever did as part of Dream Street, but he was still the heartthrob of the group and my team really needed one.

Round 4

Heather: Ashley Parker Angel – O-Town

All I can really say about him is two things: he’s got the looks and the vocals to be in my make-believe boyband. When I was 10 years old, I couldn’t get enough of him. And let’s face it, he carried the band O-Town. Without him, they were virtually nothing. So, in this band, he’s just backup to JT, but hey, that’s still pretty good.

Derek: Romell “RoRo” Chapman – Another Bad Creation

You get it by now…

Robby: Shawn Stockman – Boyz II Men

I would never forgive myself for not having at least one member from my favorite boy band (and they are definitely a boy band, DAN). Shawn brings a smooth, soulful voice to Old Guys That Won’t Leave the Block and Are Now Trespassing

Dan: Niall Horan – One Direction

When it comes down to “The Shy” one it was a tossup for me. On my big board I had both Nial Horan & Lance Bass as 1a & 1b, so when it came down to this pick I figured I should go with young. Horan added more to his boy band as far as vocals, he has father time on his side, and man that smile really melts you.

Round 5

Heather: Louis Tomlinson – One Direction

Louis honestly doesn’t bring too much to the table, but good looks and some background vocals. Not everyone can be the star, though, and it would seem to me that Louis is OK with this fact. Since One Direction’s breakup, he’s released two songs, which were collaborations with other artists. He’s not a solo act; he’s a team player. Boybands need these guys to keep them together.

Derek: Bryan Abrams – Color Me Badd

Okay ya’ll have waited long enough for it…

YOU PEOPLE HONESTLY LET MICHAEL FREAKIN’ JACKSON SLIP PAST THE FIRST PICK? You crazy.

I drafted my crew with the assumption they’d all be pre-teen versions of themselves.

Even though they’d all have baby faces, Abrams will still get to keep his epic goatee…

This keeper league approach means I get to reap the benefits of their adult careers, which is awesome for MJ and Brown, aight for Houston, non-existent for RoRo and surprisingly decent for Abrams(at least for a small stretch).

My group has it all. You get the MJ vs. Brown “Who’s the Alpha?” battle. You have your undeniable bad boy in Brown. You have your “Wait, he was in the band?” member in RoRo. Even Abrams has crossover appeal as the “White Guy That Sort of Looks Blackish” thing he has going on.

Above all that though, we get House Party movies with Bobby Brown! Yep. Because of Marques Houston’s connections to the franchise in real life, we get Michael Jackson taking the role of Kid, Bobby taking the role of Play, Houston still being Jon Jon, RoRo a playing one of Jon Jon’s bandmates, and Abrams as Jamal from House Party 2…all in this boy band fantasy world.

Oh, and important but not as important as the House Party thing, we get the rights to Iesha. That song is everything, man…

Robby: Joey “The Fat One” Fatone-*NSYNC

As a kid, I was a bit of a husky fellow. Joey was the only representation for us chubby boys in the boy band genre. If nothing else, Old Guys That Won’t Leave the Block and Are Now Trespassing will be about equal representation. Also, I bet he’s got Justin Timberlake’s number.

Dan: Evan Karagis- 3 Count

We like Backstreet Boys, NSYNC too, Britney Spears is kinda cute, We watch TRL on MTV. Everybody three count 1..2..3  1..2..3eeeeee!!!!! That’s right by surprise pick is for Bad Boy is Evan “Freakin” Karagias. Pretty sure the rest of these so called “GMs” don’t have a former WCW crusierweight champion on their team.

The Final Lineups

Boyz Nxt Door

Justin Timberlake, AJ McLean, Drew Lachey, Ashley Parker Angel & Louis Tomlinson

Smooth Criminals

Michael Jackson, Bobby Brown, Marques Houston, Romell “RoRo” Chapman & Bryan Abrams

Old Guys That Won’t Leave the Block and Are Now Trespassing

Donnie Wahlberg, Nick Carter, Ricky Martin, Shawn Stockman & Joey Fatone

Dipped Vanilla

Rich Cronin, Nick Jonas, Jesse McCartney, Nial Horan & Evan Karagias

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