A Lyrical Tribute to the NBA’s #PettyWarz

MJ and Scottie.

Kobe and Shaq.

Kemp and Payton.

The Association has given us some of the best duos in sports history, but all of those on-court tag teams pale in comparison to the greatest tandem of all: The NBA and pettiness.

NBA players thrive on pettiness, with some of the game’s best using it to fuel their entire careers.

Exhibit A: Michael Jordan putting all his haterz on blast during his infamous Hall of Fame speech.

Exhibit B: Everything about Russell Westbrook.

The NBA has always been a petty league, but this past week saw the #PettyWarz go nuclear. It’s been so wild that Ja Rule decided to come out of underneath whatever rock he was hiding under to reignite his beef with 50 Cent. That can’t be a coincidence, right?

As a fan of the NBA and all things trifling, it’s been one hell of a time to follow all this pettiness, so I figured I’d pay tribute the only way I know how: by ripping off famous rap songs.

* clears throat*

“Steady Wobbin'” by Rob Perez

(to the tune of “We Be Steady Mobbin'” by Lil Wayne) 

And we want all the problems

Yeah, my name’s Rob, yeah, ok I’m steady wobbin’

Yep, I’m on that NBA beat

I mess around and share players’ disdain with my tweets

Ughh, I love that bush league

It’s my tweets that you consume, you love that bush league

Uh huh, and we be steady wobbin’

My name’s Robby, basketballin’ is my hobby

“The Bay” by Petty Wap aka Russell Westbrook

(to the tune of Fetty Wap’s “My Way”) 

KD, why’d you go to the Baaaaay

Got something I want to saaaay

You gotta stay out of my laaaane

But first off I’mma start by saying this, KD Trey

All headshots if you don’t make that on ball switch, ay

And I’m too turnt, when I shoot, swear I won’t miss, ay

Kaay-KD, won’t you come my way

KD, why’d you go to the Baaaay

“I Shot Ya!” by Joel Embiid

(to the tune of The Notorious B.I.G.’s “Who Shot Ya?”) 


It’s me Embiid, to give you what you need

Phil-ly, all you suckers

Phil-ly, all you suckers

7-6, all you suckers

[Verse 1]

I shot ya! Agitate the weak and the so-called “elite”

Had to feast on that Brooklyn fleet

Sorry Jigga, I ain’t bout that Umbrella beat

I hear Ri sweating my all-star tweet

Your heartbeat skips when I land on my feet

Thundering, shaking the concrete

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