NBA

LEAKED: Brooklyn Nets General Manager Opening

On January 10, Brooklyn Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov cleaned house by firing head coach Lionel Hollins and “reassigning” general manager Billy King. Prokhorov is looking to go in a new direction, although it’s unclear what exactly that direction is. No Coast Bias has received the contents of the official job opening for general manager, which may help shed some light on the state of the franchise. Take a look below.

IMMEDIATE OPENING: General Manager of the Brooklyn Nets
January 11, 2016
Mikhail Prokhorov, Owner

This is a rare opening at the GM position of a professional sports franchise. The Nets have a rich tradition of winning every once in a while, but the expectations of the new GM will be much higher. Located in the basketball hotbed of New York City, the team has several fans and is consistently a top-two team in the city. Championships will be, for some reason, expected sooner rather than never. We realize this will be a difficult task, but you are given a strong starting point of a roster featuring multiple NBA players and at least one draft pick in the next few years. Aging stars with crippling contracts will be provided with or without request. You will be responsible for the hiring of a new head coach, and a free reign to fire that coach as a scapegoat whenever you please. The GM must coalesce all these amenities and opportunities into a championship contender, preferably like, right now. We need to be contenders. Now.

Qualifications:

Have seen the game of basketball more than once

Basic knowledge of how a business operates

Speak, or at least passably understand, Russian

Ability to withstand the weight of crushing expectations

A positive attitude

Media savvy, to explain just what the hell is happening around here

Ability to perform magic or turn back time encouraged

Equal Opportunity Employer – All qualified candidates are welcome to apply.

1/18/16 UPDATE – Candidates willing to do their best are welcome to apply.

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