I don’t care what Vince Staples says, 90s hip-hop is life.
I moved to the U.S. from Japan in 1992 and didn’t know much about rap music or hip-hop culture outside of MC Hammer. You can laugh all you want, but Hammer was HUGE back in the day. He was literally Godzilla huge. He had to be. How else would a kid living in Okinawa know about him? He probably slipped Godzilla a giant-sized copy of Please Hammer, Don’t Hurt ‘Em after they fended off Mothra or something.
Anyways, I got real familiar with hip-hop when my dad bought me the The Chronic. It’s rare to have a photo of the exact moment when your life changes, but here I was right before my brain exploded into a million pieces and reformed to become some organism that craves hip-hop all day, every day.
My newfound interest in rap and the music video boom of the 90s made it super easy for my parents to raise me. All they had to do was spot me some cash to cop the latest release and pay the cable bill.
Now what I want to do now is share with you all the wisdom Fab Five Freddie, The Other Dr. Dre, Ed Lover, and all the hip-hop music videos from the 90s bestowed on me. Mount up!
- The best views on life are seen through a fisheye lens.
- Whenever you’re down on yourself, just remember you can’t stop, won’t stop.
- Forget Mike, you wan’t you be like Spike (Jonze).
- If Missy Elliot can rock a trash bag, you can wear super-long JNCO jorts with gusto.
- You need to have at least 2-3 go-to moves you can bust out for the dance circle. And if you don’t have one, bust out the Ed Lover Dance.
- Everyone needs to get a jobby job.
- If you have one outfit, you actually have two. Just wear it backwards.
- The more discretionary income you have, the more problems you will acquire.
- Lil’ Penny is the coolest puppet of all-time. It’s not even debatable.
- Every man should own a black tie and a shiny suit.
- No matter how cool or tough you think you are, you should still find time to dance.
- Regardless of what platform you have, say what you gotta say with confidence.
- ALWAYS keep your eyes on where you’re going when riding a bike.
- Wheelies will never not be cool.
- There ain’t no party like a party with a fridge stocked full of 40s.
- Don’t trust the police.
- You can consume alcohol at all hours of the day.
- Hype Williams is God.
- The correlation between your car’s hydraulic capabilities and your standing in the community is strong.
- If you play a large role in creating something, make sure everybody knows about it.
- If you’re going to play Dominoes, play on a sturdy table.
- New York is one giant project and filled with dudes wearing Yankee gear.
- ^^^Like I said.
- If you can put rhymes together, you can take on anything. Even SWAT teams.
- The bigger the pants, the better the dance.
- When in doubt, throw on a sports jersey. Preferably one with your nickname on the back of it.
- Pitbulls are ferocious.
- Everybody loves a BBQ.
- You haven’t made it until you own a gold tank.
- The Wu-Tang clan is forever!