Facial Profiling: March Madness Coaches And Who/What They Look Like

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South Region Coaches

(1) North Carolina’s Roy Williams Looks Like:

Image result for Roy williams

The vaguely pervy Grandfather that you just caught checking out your girlfriend, who then gives you a wink and a nod.

(16) Texas Southern’s Mike Davis Looks Like:

Image result for Texas Southern Basketball coach

Your next door neighbor who just caught your dog pooping in his yard and is not happy about it, because he’s given you 3 warnings already.


(2) Kentucky’s John Calipari Looks Like:

The Mummy with hair gel. And hair. But mostly: hair gel.

(15) Northern Kentucky’s John Brannen Looks Like:

Image result for Northern Kentucky Coach

A dude your mother went on a blind date with back in 1992.


(3) UCLA’s Coach Looks Like:

Image result for Lavar Ball

LaVar Ball. A lot like LaVar Ball. Wait…that is LaVar Ball. What’s that you’re saying? He’s now the coach of UCLA? Well, who’s your source on that? LaVar Ball is your source? Okay. Then that sounds totally legit.

(14) Kent State’s Rob Senderoff Looks Like:

Image result for Rob Senderoff

A human battering ram.


(4) Butler’s Chris Holtmann Looks Like:

Image result for Chris Holtmann

The guy at the bachelor party who definitely orders strippers against your fiancee’s explicit instructions not to.

(13) Winthrop’s Pat Kelsey Looks Like:

Image result for Winthrop Head basketball coach

A frat-boy bully from a movie about life in college that hit theaters in 2005.


(5) Minnesota’s Richard Pitino

Like he’s Ryan Gosling and he just made a heartwarming, racially forward-thinking gesture by benching himself in front of Coach Denzel Washington so that the better player could get in the game.

(12) Middle Tennessee State’s Kermit Davis Looks Like:

Store-brand Bill Murray. Like the “Mountain Drop” pop from the grocery store that’s supposed to be Mountain Dew but just can’t quite cut it.


(6) Cincinnati’s Mick Cronin Looks Like:

Image result for mick cronin

A human emoji face.

(11) Kansas State’s Bruce Weber Looks Like:

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The powerful, philandering bad boy business mogul — usually named something ridiculous like “Drake Dakota” on your nana’s soap opera that she totally, creepily, has the hots for.


(7) Dayton’s Archie Miller Looks Like

Image result for Dayton Basketball Coach

A dude who still sings in an all-male acapella group with some ridiculous pun for a name like, “Tenors and Bass-Ketball”.

(10) Wichita State’s Gregg Marshall Looks Like:

Image result for gregg marshall

A Full-body thumb that has eyes, glasses and a little bit of hair.


(8) Arkansas’ Mike Anderson Looks Like:

Image result for mike anderson arkansas

A guy who says “Butt-whupping” a lot.

(9) Seton Hall’s Kevin Willard Looks Like:

Image result for Seton Hall basketball coach

A dude that would be on Scott Van Pelt’s Sportscenter and would inevitably make a terrible joke about them both being bald.

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Chris Hatch is the content manager and senior writer for NoCoastBias.com.Contributor since: May 2012Present location: The 402Twitter: @burnpoetrySports Coverage: Anything but NASCARFavorite Sports Moment: Alex Henery's 57-yard Field goal against Colorado in 2008Chris Hatch’s sports “claims to fame” include:Winning a pleather-banded watch for taking first place in the 4xMile Relay at the Kansas Relays, walking past Ndamukong Suh outside a sandwich shop, and I once checked Joe Ganz's Dad into a hotel that I worked at.

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