Every NFL Team As Defined By Urban Dictionary

Urban Dictionary is hilarious, educational and cruel all at the same time. Just ask Phil Jackson.

You can find pretty much anything on this ghetto dictionary, but what’s always good for a chuckle or two are the oversimplified definitions of sports teams and colleges. Today let’s take a look at each NFL team as defined* by Urban Dictionary. FYI, but some language may be deemed NSFW. LEGGO!

*We pulled the more ridiculous definitions and for the most part included each definition verbatim. Bad grammar makes things more hilarious for some reason.


AFC East

Buffalo Bills –

  • single handedly the coolest football team in the NFL. Lost 4 straight Super Bowls in the 1990’s. But the more important thing is that they MADE IT to 4 straight Super Bowls….and people still say that they sucked. Lets see the Dolphins or Patriots make it to 4 straight.
  • Oh yeah, they had OJ Simpson playing for them as their star player too!
  • JP Losman in 2005 all the way!

Miami Dolphins –

  • An American pro football team that hovers around mediocrity for decades at a time, often pissing off Daniel Tosh and the rest of the fans.

New England Patriots –

  • A football team that contains every black person in New England.

New York Jets –

  • A joyless passion that only adds more misery to the lives of fans of said team.


AFC North

Baltimore Ravens –

  • n. Maryland State Correctional System work release program.

Cincinnati Bengals –

  • n. Ohio State Correctional System work release program.

Cleveland Browns –

  • An NFL football team in the AFC that despite having many disappointing seasons or heartbreaking losses still have some of the most die hard, hardcore, loyal fans in all of football.

Pittsburgh Steelers –

  • Steelers fans do not bandwagon. They have loyalty to their favorite franchise. We went 15-1 this year and I will be a fan if they go 1-15 next year. Steelers fans go to work from their factories or wherever they work in Western PA and like to come home, drink a beer and watch the Stillers. The only real haters should be the Cowboys fans, who are just sour over the 70’s dominance. Everybody else has no good reason and have no knowledge of the legendary franchise.


AFC South

Houston Texans –

  • Team that, although only two years old, can still beat up on well established teams.

Indianapolis Colts –

  • An NFL team that dismantled the piece-of-sh*t denver broncos in the 2004 playoffs (41-10). The broncos suck and will never, ever, be a credible NFL team. shannahan is a bitch.

Jacksonville Jaguars –

  • ’95 expansion team who made the playoffs from ’96-99, but suck now

Tennessee Titans –

  • The Sacramento Kings from the NFL: lots of regular season victories, but sucking in play-offs, in any round. At least, they played the Superbowl.


AFC West

Denver Broncos –

  • the greatest team ever when John Elways was on so they had to get some pysco who flipped of KC

Kansas City Chiefs –

  • (No fun definition was provided. Lame.)

Oakland Raiders –

  • A team of delinquents, reprobates, malcontents, and blowhards that are the scourge of the NFL. Most veterans play for the Raiders because they’re washed up and no other reputable team would touch them with a ten foot pole.
  • It is unclear which is more woeful. Their record of recent years or their ironic catch phrase of “Commitment to Excellence”.
  • See f*cktard

San Diego Chargers –

  • To choke in the playoffs after having a successful NFL season.


NFC East

Dallas Cowboys –

  • A team that loves to lose in the playoffs

New York Giants –

  • The greatest, best pimpest most gangster football team in history they are the shit. GIANTS ELI ELI ELI ELI G-MEn I LOVE THE GIANTS

Philadelphia Eagles –

  • Desperate NFL football franchise that embarks on a yearly pilgrimage to “almost, but not quite good enough.” From T.O. to the dog-fighter who introduces himself to women as Ron Mexico, there isn’t a scumbag this team isn’t willing to sell its soul to in its effort to finally win a Superbowl. Of course, like all other NFL teams, its player collection of ignorant, arrogant malcontents mirrors the city it represents. A team that has always been and will always be green with envy of the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Washington Redskins –

  • the filler team in the NFC East


NFC North

Chicago Bears –

  • who dennis green thought they were

Detroit Lions –

  • the detroit football club which is never unable to lose a game. no matter what the situation, the lions can always find a way to blow the game…
    marked by poor coaching, injuries, empty potential, bad drafting, and losing to minnesoda, and a bad O-line.

Green Bay Packer(s) –

  • An NFL team belonging to fat, drunken, cut throat, overly obnoxious and highly jealous fans who pride themselves on the false assumption they’re better than the Chicago Bears and their fans. The Chicago Bears lead the all time series between the Packers/Bears 90-79 (The Bears have never trailed to the Packers). The Chicago Bears lead the NFL in all time wins as well – most people will say it’s due to their length of time in the NFL, however most are ignorant of the fact that there are several teams who’ve been around just as long, yet fail to accomplish the same goal (The Green Bay assholes for one).
    Notable mention is the 60 year starting QB for the Green Bay Packers Brett Favre, better known by his nickname as John Elway’s bitch. His long standing definition is the ultimate drug addicted Barry Bonds of the NFL who would sooner drag his team down in pursuit of his own stats than let them have a chance to win. Fans are under the false assumption that he plays for them and will continue to believe he will not drop them like a bad habit once he finishes his conquest of records (which quarterback Peyton Manning will bust open in half the time).

Minnesota Vikings –

  • A team in the National Football League (NFL) whose idea of a successful season is not choking during the last 5 weeks and missing the playoffs. Unlike other teams, they know they will never win a Super Bowl and once they make the playoffs, that’s pretty much it.


NFC South

Atlanta Falcons –

  • Michael Vick’s old team

Carolina Panthers – 

  • The Carolina Panthers suck at football. There is nothing funny about how bad they suck.

New Orleans Saints –

  • WHO DAT?!?!??!

Tampa Bay Buccaneers –

  • Created in 1976 and currently play in the NFC South with the aints, the dirty birds, and the panthers.
  • Home of some of the most loyal fans you will ever meet who represent even when times are tough.
  • Usually overlooked by opponents who end up having the ball shoved up their asses.
  • 1-0 in superbowls. Winners of superbowl in ’02 against the raiders (who nobody even pays attention to anymore) 48-21
  • Went from having the gayest logo to the coolest logo.


NFC West

Arizona Cardinals –

  • (No fun definition added. Lame.)

St. Louis Rams –

  • The greatest show on turf with an awesome offense with the legendary RB Marshall Faulk and WR Torry Holt.

San Francisco 49ers – 

  • The worst team ever right next to Detroit lions. the team is know as the “forty c*** suckers”. they’re current season record is 4-8.

Seattle Seahawks –

  • the team that just raped Peyton Manning in the superbowl.
  • the team who has a defense that you want.
  • i love their defense, and i’m an Atlanta Falcons fan..
  • i’m jealous… but we’ll be back in 2014! Rise up!
  • the Seattle Seahawks just made Peyton Manning look like Drew Brees.. and Drew brees has a ugly sh*t stain on his face.

h/t: Urban Dictionary | Featured Image:

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