Crew Log: Our Coldest Sports Takes

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Everyone has their own hot sports takes. People on the internet have made a habit out of a.) trying to draw attention to their own hot takes when they’re right and b.) ignoring the hell out of them when they’re wrong. And boy, can some hot takes end up being so, so cold. Here are some of the NCB crew’s coldest sports takes over the years.

Thankfully, I have not been a hot take artist during my time as a sportswriter.

Guys like Stephen A. Smith, Skip Bayless, and a certain Chicago sports fan that shall remain nameless have always rubbed me the wrong way. With takes that are so crazy that they are either desperate cries for attention, or prove how grossly uninformed they are.

Given that I mostly cover the D-League nowadays, hot and cold takes are a little hard to come by. Prospects come and go so fast that cold takes can be easily forgotten. However, that doesn’t mean I haven’t had some very cold takes in my days.

My coldest take to date came during a preseason NBA podcast last season where I predicted that the Milwaukee Bucks would run the table in the East and upset the Oklahoma City Thunder to win the Finals. Not only did I say the Bucks would win it all, I said that the Golden State Warriors would have an alright season and be an early out from the playoffs and the Cavs would destroy themselves from the inside out.

I was convinced that the Greg Monroe signing paired with a healthy Jabari Parker and a more polished Giannis Antetokounmpo would be the winning formula in the East. In my fantasy world, I had the Cavs imploding midway through the season because K-Love decided to “fit-out” and Kyrie had set his sights on a warmer climate. Oh boy was I wrong.

While the Bucks are in good shape now, last season was a different story. Turns out the Greg Monroe signing was a horrible fit, Giannis wasn’t as polished as everyone thought he would be, and a healthy Jabari just wasn’t enough. In addition to that, the Cavs pulled it all together and ended up beating the Warriors. Also, the Warriors did not have an average year; they finished with the best regular season record in NBA history.

– Nick LeTourneau

For one of my greatest cold takes, I’ll take you on a walk to the relatively recent past of pre-season NFL, 2015.

Nine of us here at No Coast Bias decided to make preseason predictions where we called out super bowl champs, conference champs, division winners, individual player awards and the like. I consider myself to be a pretty damn savvy NFL fan. I take interest in my own team and my team’s division. But I also like to think I have a pretty strong handle on the league as a whole.

As a lifelong 49ers fan, it pained me deeply to make some of the predictions I made last year, but I felt relatively confident and not like a complete idiot making said predictions. Don’t get me wrong, I had a few correct predictions with my divisional picks. But the NFC & AFC champs and player awards are where everything fell apart.

My AFC champion pick was the Indianapolis Colts. I’m not going to beat myself up about this pick too bad. They had a lot of upside and ending up losing their golden boy QB with 7 games under his belt. They finished .500 and missed the playoffs by a game to a Houston team that started looking better and finished 9-7. Whatever.

Here’s where my coldest of cold takes comes in to play, along with my aforementioned shame at making these picks as a 49er fan.

NFC Champion: Dallas Cowboys
Super Bowl Champion: Dallas Cowboys
Coach of the Year: Jason Garrett

I was also a coinflip away from picking Tony Romo as NFL MVP. I went the route of Andrew Luck instead, which ended up being almost as ridiculous of a pick in 2015. I went all-in on the 2015 Cowboys, which drove me to drink (note: Ok, fine, I was already drinking). I thought their offense was healthy, they had (and have) one of the best O-lines in the league, thought they had some runningbacks that would do plenty behind that line, and I thought Collarbone Romo would thrive with that kind of time in the pocket.

Not only did the cowboys not win the Super Bowl or the NFC, but it turns out they won 4 games on the year and really Dallas’ed it up. That result made me happy, because it brings me joy to watch the Cowboys fail. But it was certainly a god-awful prediction. It was like one of those situations where your favorite teams wins, but you had a fantasy player playing against them suck it up. So it was kind of bittersweet. Most of the picks made by us NCB’ers in the pre-season of ’15 on that blustery night in September were reasonable. Mine certainly was not.

– Danny Troutman

I’m sure I’ve drunkenly spouted out colder takes than this, but this particular take takes the Take Cake because of one thing I did to further push my ice cold take…I rooted for Tim Tebow!

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That’s right. The winter of 2010 will go down as the coldest on record for me as I rooted for Timmy Jesus so my beloved Carolina Panthers would be in better position to draft Andrew Luck. I wanted no one else heading into the 2011 NFL Draft but the supposed messiah from Stanford. Not Von Miller and *shudders* not Cam Newton.

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I. Wanted. Andrew. Luck. Over. Cam. Newton.

I valued the grossly overrated Andrew Luck you know and love today over the NFL’s version of LeBron James.

All things considered, having the dopest quarterback in the league leading my team almost makes up for rooting for Tim Tebow. Almost.

– Derek Hernandez

This take.

I don’t make predictions very often. Usually because I’m terrible at them and my vision is often clouded by a reckless, impassioned fandom that essentially functions as the sober version of beer goggles. However, when prompted to by anyone asking, I will happily throw out a take that explodes a mere inches on front of my face.

This take, however barely left my hand before it exploded like a Jason Pierre Paul firework, taking my favorite middle finger along with it. To be a little fair to myself: this wasn’t exactly going out on a limb, either. This was practically hugging the damn trunk with both feet on the ground. The Insane Clowney posse seemed like a sure thing.

Then he promptly injured himself, got as many sacks I’m his rookie campaign as I did, and has gimped and limped his way through an injury plagued career. What seemed like it could be one of the most fearsome defensive line pairings ever seen, with Watt and Clowney ripping through offensive lines like cheap gas station toilet paper, instead ended up being a take so cold it practically precluded the White Walkers on “Game of Thrones.” What I thought was a human machete, instead was made of papier mâché.

Will Jadeveon Clowney suddenly stop getting injured by anything and everything, his body falling apart under the gentlest of Gulf breezes? I would love to say “yes” but I kind of suck at predictions. Besides, that’s a Clowney question, bro.

– Chris Hatch

I had to do some searching for a cold take, because I don’t really have any hot takes.

As Kanye West once said, I stay away from that area altogether. Mostly, my twitter account is just me popping off with nonsense, some of which will hopefully interest whoever is dumb enough to follow me. Which leads to stuff like this:

Some context:

I have lived in Nebraska my whole life. From 1993 to 2013, there were approximately 49 Kansas City Royals fans in the state. Starting around the summer of 2014 and into this spring, there suddenly appeared tens of thousands more. This annoyed me.

The Royals had tragically lost in the World Series the year before. Many baseball “experts” saw the Royals getting even that far was an aberration, and were unkind to them in their season previews. Royals fans old and new, but mostly new, were outraged. Couldn’t they tell this team was special? That numbers didn’t matter? Last year was a warm-up. This year was the year.

This tweet was after the first game of the season. Kansas City won! Royals fans saw this as a good omen. I took it further. Too far, maybe. But that’s what twitter is for, after all.

Eventually, inevitably, I was proven wrong. Very wrong. Kansas City kindly won their first seven games in a row for me, but failed to do that 22.14 more times to fulfill my take. They ended up losing 67 more games than I predicted. It wasn’t surprising.

But in the end, everyone won. The Royals won the World Series that only their swollen fan base believed they could, and I got to spend a beautiful week with an absurd prediction that wasn’t yet incorrect. It was worth having a tweet that is now doing its part to reverse global warming.

– Alex Schubauer

I’ve never been someone to throw out hot takes.

Actually I think this might be the only time I’ve really made an ass out of myself with a hot take that has gone lukewarm, still not frosty yet.

A few seasons back I made the proclamation that the Los Angeles Clippers could go further with a mediocre point guard (ala Rajon Rondo) instead of their All Star point guard Chris Paul.

At the time I was bombarded with tweets proclaiming me as that troll that I was, my basketball opinion was as good as Ryan Lochte’s word. Here I stand a man who really felt like Paul brought a certain dynamic to the team that would never gel with Griffin & Jordan and maybe it hasn’t…but who was I kidding they needed his level of play to make it to the second round.

– Dan Soden

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