Welcome to the Crew Log, in which several different No Coast Bias writers share their thoughts on various topics and talking points.
Just yesterday, it was announced that MTV would be making an MTV classic channel, focusing on all things 90’s.
MTV launches MTV Classic channel focusing on 1990s nostalgia. https://t.co/DXIz1jz19p
— The Associated Press (@AP) July 28, 2016
This, of course, spurred debate as to which videos and songs would be featured on the channel, and then shifted slightly to which music videos were the best sports music videos. This isn’t to say the best music videos about sports or featuring athletes; no this debate boils down simply to “which music video that has sports in it is the best”.
Shaquille O’Neal – What’s Up Doc? (Can We Rock) ft. Fu-Schnickens
If I had it my way I would submit all the videos included in this article as my collective choice, but since I have to select just one, I’m going with Shaq’s “What’s Up Doc?”
Featuring the off-brand Wu-Tang sounding “Fu-Schnickens”, the video hits you right away with floating basketballs and a dude dunking without a ball. With it’s sepia tone, the video is quintessential 90s. The video is littered with so-bad-its-good fake basketball fighting that tries so hard to capture the Above the Rim Era grittiness of that era…and it all works.
Surprisingly, the clip doesn’t include ANY footage of Shaq hooping, but the fact that you have to watch nearly three minutes of the video before Shaq jumps on to drop hot fire (how is Fu-Schnickens the feature here by the way?) makes you giddy with anticipation as to what Shaq is going to do.
Is he going to just annihilate all the street ballers with a monster dunk?
Is he going to swat someone’s shot into the next borough?
When it finally comes time for the Diesel to drop knowledge, he doesn’t do any of that.
Instead he embraces the crowd in a way a bench mob would love, and goes into full rapper mode dropping various nicknames about himself.
Is it the best produced video? Nah. Are Shaq’s raps even good? That’s debatable. However, for me this is the best music video with sports because it captures everything that was dope about the 90s – Shaq, street ball culture and cheesy hip-hop videos.
I only have one question: How did Shaq’s self-proclaimed nicknames of “Hooper Hyper” and “Shaq Knife” never catch on? Those were way doper than “Shaq Fu”.
– Derek Hernandez
Drake – 5AM In Toronto
Drake and sports are deeply intertwined, with his global ambassadorship for the Toronto Raptors, as well as his love for many, many other teams. That team-hopping is what you probably think of with Drake and sports. Not me.
I think of this video. I think of Drake hanging in a parking lot, drinking and smoking while rapping to the camera off and on for about a minute. I think of him then entering the club in slow motion and dapping up his friends. I think of thinking this is an unremarkable, thrown-together music video and oh wait, what?
That’s…that’s Rudy Gay! The cameo is so quick (1-1.5 seconds) and the video is so poor, that is for real the best evidence I could get. And that is what makes this video the best. Drake is normally known for trying too hard and desperately vying for inclusion.
This is his most understated, and therefore coolest sports moment. It’s a throwaway.
“Oh yeah, I’m hanging with Rudy Gay. It’s chill I guess.”
Not to mention the moment of time in the NBA this captured. Gay was in Toronto for all of 11 months, playing only 51 games. It’s the beginning of this era where nobody really wants Rudy Gay. The Kings have tried to trade him every day the three years they’ve had him.
But here, Rudy is a hero. The new man in town who will lead the Raptors out of misery and into the playoffs. No one knows that that success will come, and that Rudy Gay will have no part in it. After all, it’s 5AM in Toronto and Drake is here. Let’s play some sand volleyball.
– Alex Schubauer
Master P – Make’em Say UGH
When I first thought about what video should get the title of best sports music video, my mind instantly went to movies that were about sports and had good sound tracks. “He Got Game” by Public Enemy was up there, and who could resist scouring the internet for some type of video featuring Shaq from his Blue Chips days, but at the end of the day I was misguided.
I had the Shaq cameo part of the equation right, but the world of cinema was the wrong place to look. The answer was right in front of me the entire time: “Make Em Say Uhh” by Master P is the best sports music video, hands down.
Where to even begin? For starters, the opening shot is Master P running out of the tunnel onto a court, surrounded by cheerleaders and screaming fans as he hypes up the crowd. From there, the entire No Limit crew is out in layup lines, in custom No Limit uniforms, and proceeds to have one of the craziest games that has ever been filmed, complete with the solid gold “No Limit” tank on the baseline.
This video embodies everything that was 90’s and early 2000’s hip hop. P brought out the whole crew, everyone is out there dancing and having a good time, everyone is hopping on the track. To put things over the top, the entire video is sprinkled with guys slamming it home on a five-foot rim with authority, all while Shaq was reacting like he is watching the 1986 Dunk Contest.
Not only is this video the best sports music video, I think it is one of the best rap videos, period. There is no question that this song was blasted in every locker room after this video. Master P always had dreamed of being a baller, so to see him live that fantasy out in a music video resulted in one of the most entertaining videos to come out of the 90’s.
– Nick LeTourneau
John Cena – Bad, Bad Man
I was gung-ho about riding out with Macho Man’s Hulk Hogan diss “Be a Man” but unfortunately for everyone he never made a music video for the greatest diss track next to Ether. Instead I had to ride out to one of the most underrated music videos of all-time. John Cena’s “Bad, Bad Man” featuring Trademarc & Bumpy Knuckles.
I’m a sucker for any 80’s theme nostalgia, hell I’m drinking a can of Ecto-Cooler as I type this. This video is clearly in my wheel house, with an A-Team parody-theme, Michael Jackson and Boy George impersonators and a cameo from the late great Gary Coleman you can’t get much more 8o’s cliché then that…unless they threw in Alf somehow.
Here is hoping that John Cena decides to pick up the mic again and give us a full album of dad raps followed with a music video. Maybe this time he can enlist his Battleground partner Enzo & Cass to spit a few bars.
– Dan Soden
Lil B – F*ck KD (KEVIN DURANT DISS)
I’m going to be honest, this is not the best song on this list. Hell, this might actually be the worst song on this list. But I’m not here to convince you that this song is good or that Lil B is a good and talented musician; that’s for you to decide on your own time. However, when it comes to which music video is the best sports music video, it is unequivocally this one.
Even the most casual NBA followers are aware of the BasedGod’s beef with KD and subsequent cursing.
KEVIN DURANT WILL NEVER WIN THE TITLE AFTER HE SAID "LIL B" IS A WACK RAPPER,
"THE BASEDGODS CURSE"#THEBASEDGODSCURSE ON DURANT – Lil B
— Lil B THE BASEDGOD (@LILBTHEBASEDGOD) May 26, 2011
Of all the things Lil B did to Durant during their beef, this music video was the pinnacle. Every bit of it is a masterpiece. The lyrics are either pure genius or pure madness or both, and I’m not so sure you can even have one of those things without the other anyway. The video appears to be set in a YMCA that resides in a very affluent community (and briefly in the lobby of a nice hotel, possibly an Embassy Suites or Hilton branch), in which Lil B alternates between singing into the camera, working out, and running into the gym like he’s just been introduced in game 7 of the NBA Finals. It’s a masterpiece in diss-trackery.
Furthermore, no single music video impacted the game more significantly than this. Let me explain. Lil B tweeted his guarantee (and followed up with the subsequent other beef material) mere minutes after Oklahoma City had lost the Western Conference finals to the eventual NBA champion Dallas Mavericks. While it was a disappointment for OKC, they had a young core of stellar players in Durant, Russell Westbrook, James Harden, and Serge Ibaka, and looked prime to be a title contender for the next several years…and then Lil B happened. It seemed like he might even be wrong at first. The Thunder rolled into the NBA finals the next year, but lost to the Miami super-team that was James, Wade, and Bosh in 5 games. However, the next year they lost to Memphis in the second round in five games, after being the top seed in the Western Conference. The next year they lost to the Spurs in the Western Conference finals, despite KD having the best season of his career; winning an MVP and scoring award (this was also when Lil B released the music video). The next year they didn’t even make the playoffs, due in part to Durant sitting out 55 games due to surgery. And finally, well, you all remember how the Western Conference finals went this year. The Thunder, with a 3-1 lead over the greatest regular season team in NBA history, and their stars laughing at the prospect of the NBA’s first unanimous MVP having to guard them, fell short of the finals yet again.
Just imagine how different the NBA landscape would be if Durant hadn’t angered Lil B. The Thunder would probably have multiple titles. Durant would probably have signed a record-high contract with OKC instead of bouncing to Golden State, as he tried to win his sixth-straight MVP award. There’d probably already be several statues of him outside of Chesapeake Energy Arena, and more to be put up all around the city, and probably even the state.
But no, instead Durant chose to anger Lil B, and incurred his wrath. That is, until he went to Golden State.
"The BasedGod" wants to speak,As life unravels and superstars make decisions that change lifes, welcome home KD the curse is lifted – Lil B
— Lil B THE BASEDGOD (@LILBTHEBASEDGOD) July 4, 2016
Long live Lil B, and may KD finally find some small portion of the success that he surely missed in his foolishly angering the BasedGod.
Master P – B-Ball
First off: it’s title is simple, yet effective. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what this ode to hoops is going to be about. It’s the song-title equivalent to Cowboys & Aliens. You pretty much know the entire plot from the title. And, lest you think that this 1999 smash hit from Master P’s seminal work Who U Wit? isn’t up to snuff to be included along with some of the other heavy hitters on this list: within the first 14 seconds of the music video we already have seen a grainy crowd-reaction shot, Master P in an NBA practice jersey and an enormous undershirt making his way out to the court, and both Penny and Tim Hardaway.
Then, for a staggering 52 seconds after that (*Author’s note: or, approximately 20% of the entire song), Master P just shouts out the names of different NBA cities and franchises while a grimy beat cranks and his No Limit Soldiers attempt to Ivanka Trump as much of Kurtis Blow’s original version as possible. The entire video appears to have been shot in front of a green screen, featuring fairly unenthused, non-descript cheerleaders, and highlights of Master P jacking ill-advised JR Smith-style jumpers. It’s exactly the kind of masturbatory, utterly non-ironic stuff that Master P did all the time that would have gotten murdered on the internet in the present age. And it’s fantastic.
Quick rankings of shitty NBA players he name-drops:
1. Derek Anderson
2. Ricky Davis
3. Sam Cassell
4. Damon Stoudamire
5. Whoever the “Three Point Kings” are that he talks about.
In conclusion: this video has everything you could possibly want from the late ‘90s. The Jailblazers. Master P. Sub-par lyricism and green screen. As it turns out, I’m Wit U, Master P.
– Chris Hatch