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CKDGAF: A Brief Video/Picture Tutorial on Chip Kelly’s Crazy Off-Season

CKDGAF: a new acronym I’m trying out.  At this point, you’ve probably heard: Chip Kelly doesn’t give a damn what you think you’re entitled to.

You want answers?  You want the truth?  I’m pretty sure Chip doesn’t think you can handle those things.  What he does think is that assembling an East-coast version of his West Coast college juggernaut, the Oregon Ducks, is the ticket to bringing the city of Brotherly Love an NFL championship.  He’s swapping one bird for another, and seemingly doling out players from Philly’s current roster as quickly as possible.

What does this mad scientist think he’s found?  Why did he let an in-his-prime LeSean McCoy and his best WR, Jeremy Maclin, go?  He’s swapped, bartered, exchanged and acquired at an alarming rate, standing out even during an NFL offseason where teams are seemingly going completely f-ing crazy.  Have Chip Kelly’s offensive innovations turned him into an alchemist, fervently believing that he can turn ordinary objects into gold with a hurry up offense and signs paying homage to Philly’s favorite (make believe) son?

Photo courtesy of: krmcguire.com

At this point, Chip’s offseason philosophy would appear to be: shake the East coast and hope that only Oregon players are left hanging on.  He’s done everything but buy back that old “Joey Heisman” billboard to post directly outside the Eagles’ stadium.

Image Courtesy of: seattletimes.com

Inexplicably: the one dude he seems to be okay with having stick around from the old roster is good ‘ole Riley Cooper.  Which has caused one objective journalist to do his objective thing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Fiuoh4YI-8

and it’s left the rest of, still trying to find a bomb shelter to avoid the inevitably gale-force winds of Stephen A. Smith’s blow-harding, wondering what exactly he’s trying to pull?

But he’s gotten a really good, young linebacker.  He’s landed a talented, albeit injury prone, young running back.  And there is the issue of his offensive genius.  Make no mistake, Chip Kelly is essentially pulling a Bill Belichick but without the titles or the Tom Bradys to back him up.  Will it pay off?

Let’s go now live to reaction from the Philadelphia Eagles about their coach dismantling their 10-6 roster and trading for Sam Bradford.

I, like many people am left with many questions.  Will Kelly’s gamble pay off?  That remains to be seen.  Will he move up and try to make a giant trade to score the rights to Marcus Mariota?  It sure seems like that’s possible.  Why the hell did the 49ers re-sign Blaine Gabbert?  (*Author’s note: my bad, wrong team.  Still wondering, though.)  Will he hire Ed Oregeron after misreading his name?  I guess we’ll have to wait and see.  One thing is for sure, Chip Doesn’t Give a fuck.  He’s going to keep doing him.  Good luck, Philly.

Ducks

FIN

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