It recently came to light that the Toronto Blue Jays were suing the Creighton Bluejays for “stealing” their logo. And to be honest, it looks like they might truly have a case. The birds look pretty similar. The only difference between one team’s mascot and the other’s is that someone hit the “space bar” on their type writer when they were coming up with a nickname for Toronto.
But instead of mucking this thing up in a courtroom, paying thousands of dollars to haggle and hem and haw over beak length and bird species, why don’t we just all suck it up, put on our big boy bartering pants and trade one another.
I plugged in several different scenarios on ESPN’s trade machine and come up with a few potential win-win scenarios that would leave both Creighton and Toronto happy.
This scenario has Creighton sending their beloved, designated muckraker and NCAA Eligibility defying point guard, Grant Gibbs and the Cyanocitta cristata to our Northern Neighbors. What does Creighton get in return? Why, none other than human Meme-machine gun Rob Ford. Ford’s comedic value is completely unstoppable, he is a cheap acquisition, and if you sat him courtside for every Creighton basketball game for the next 5 years you can guarantee the internet would go supernova on itself. Toss in divisive-but-talented Toronto-ite Drake? And you’ve got a trade that works out well for all parties.
This scenario would qualify as one of the all-cliché-first-team “Blockbuster” trades. This one has both sides giving up something near and dear to them in order to attempt to find a common ground. It has Creighton (*Author’s note: on behalf of the entire United States) sending Justin Bieber back to the frozen tundra Beyond the Wall. It would also have Creighton giving up their logo, but instantaneously becoming the most popular university in America. Enrollment would quintuple and Greg McDermott would be jointly canonized and written in to victory as President of the United States in 2016.
Toronto would get to lose the legacy of *Roger Clemens and they would get to force-feed their beloved metric system further south onto U.S. soil. Ultimately, Toronto would sell their soul for a chance at keeping their logo and they would increase tweenage attendance at their games exponentially.
What trades do you guys have? Plug them in. We don’t need Wayne Brady to make a deal (*Author’s note: or to choke a bitch.)