College Football

The Best and Worst of College Football’s Week 2: Traditional Powers Tumble

USC and Florida were offensive and not the good kind, Devin Gardner shines while Musburger rhymes, and the Horns get trampled by Cougars.

The Bests and Worsts of Week 2:

Best: Devin Gardner…98 til infinity

I confidently dropped the following line in this week’s NCB Pick Em predictions:

I’ve never seen a team coming off an 8-5 season and with so few returning starters get so much hype as Michigan. I think the Irish D will be too much for Gardner and Co.

My bad. Gardner, rocking #98 in honor of 1940 Heisman winner Tom Harmon*, absolutely torched the Figth…I mean Fighting Irish defense. Gardner was 21-of-33 for 294 yards and threw for four touchdowns and a dazzling display of accuracy and composure. Well, he did have the following brain fart late in the game, but all in all he was phenomenal.


*Please tell me I wasn’t the only one that thought of this every single time the announcers mentioned Tom Harmon…

Worst: Florida & USC’s LMFAOffenses

The Trojans compiled 193 yards of offense against Wazzu late Saturday night. In addition to five turnovers, all-world wide receiver Marqise Lee caught seven passes for 27 yards. That 10-2 campaign the Trojans posted in 2011 seems like a loooooong time ago. Maybe Lane Kiffin could start a web series after he gets canned. He does love him some YouTube after all.

If yardage futility isn’t your cup of tea, then how about watching a quarterback set a career-high in yardage while STILL “leading” his team to the following results in the red zone:

TD, INT, turnover on downs, fumble, FG, INT

That’s exactly what Florida QB Jeff Driskel did in their U-G-L-Y loss to in-state rival Miami last Saturday. Driskel threw for a career-high 291 yards, but it wasn’t nearly enough to make up for the Gator’s five turnovers.

USC fans really want to fire Lane Kiffin | The Victory Formation

Best: The B1G was (nearly) Perfect

That is not a typo. The Big Ten nearly swept their schedule last weekend and let’s be honest, does Indiana’s loss count? Their own fans are already lining up at Assembly Hall.

Enjoy it B1G, you’ve got a BIG weekend looming.

Worst: Texas & Manny iaz

See what I did there?

550 yards! On. The. Ground. 

That’s what the Longhorn “defense” gave up. Manny Diaz’s defense was so bad USC and Florida would have lit up the scoreboard.

If that wasn’t bad enough, you know what Mack Brown’s solution is to fixing his beleaguered defense? Bringing back Greg Robinson. Yes. This Greg Robinson.

Best: Guess who’s back?

Good or bad, Eminem’s album has already achieved Five-Mic status in my mind. Without his appearance in the announce booth at the Notre Dame/Michigan game to promote his comeback, we wouldn’t have this…

eminem gif

or this…

and this…


Worst: I Got Five (Outta Six) On It…

Turnovers that is. What was up with all the terrible offensive displays this week?

I’m not even exaggerating when I say Western Kentucky turned the ball over five times in SIX PLAYS against Tennessee. To say turnovers decided this game would be an understatement. The Hilltoppers outgained the Vols 393-382 and were up 3-0 to start the game. WKU ended up down 31-3 before Tennessee even had the ball for more than five plays on a single possession.

Did anybody check if Bobby Petrino ditched his team by the end of the third quarter?

Best/Worst: The Johnny Cam

You’ve probably heard all the groans about CBS dedicating a camera just for Johnny Manziel during the Alabama-Texas A&M game, but I think it could be the greatest thing ever. Seriously. This is like if CBS dedicated a “Landshark Cam” for Marshall Henderson during an NCAA tournament game. Johnny is pure entertainment and the only way this could be topped is if they showed a split screen of Nick Saban’s head veins every time Manziel scrambled across the Tide D.

It can’t be as nauseating as the official/unofficial Tebow Cam, could it? COULD IT?

Obligatory Samantha Steele* Photo:

*Her mama call her Steele, I’mma call her Steele

Ponder can lose every game this season and would still be a winner. WE HATE YOU.

Ponder can lose every game this season and would still be a winner. WE HATE YOU.


The Top 25 Recapped…sort of:

No. 2 Oregon 59 (2-0) , Virginia 10 (1-1): I can watch the Oregon offense all day long and they didn’t disappoint as they rolled to a school-record 772 yards. Also, there was this…


No. 3 Ohio State 42 (2-0) , San Diego State 7 (0-2): Braxton Miller’s injury will obviously be something to keep an eye on, but his back-up (Kenny Guiton) doesn’t look half-bad.

No. 4 Clemson 52 (2-0) , South Carolina State 13 (0-2): These games are the worst. #cupcakegames

No. 5 Stanford 34 (1-0) , San Jose State 13 (1-1): Remember that team everyone said is Alabama-East? It seems like everybody forgot about them already.

No. 11 Georgia 41 (1-1) , No. 6 South Carolina 30 (1-1): Nice rebound win from a desperate Dawgs team. Anybody want to compare Clowney to Suh now?

Murray and Co. rebounded against the tough loss to Clemson in Week 1 (h/t

Murray and Co. rebounded nicely after the tough loss to Clemson in Week 1 (h/t

No. 7 Texas A&M 65 (2-0) , Sam Houston State 28 (1-1): A&M’s D is as bad as Michigan State’s O. How come their perceptions are so different when Sparty’s defense is on Manziel’s offense’s level?

No. 8 Louisville 44 (2-0) , Eastern Kentucky 7 (1-1): At this rate, Bridgewater is going to throw a bajillion touchdowns.

No. 9 LSU 56 (2-0) , UAB 17 (0-2): If LSU can keep up the scoring, look out SEC. I’m STILL not sold on Mettenberger though. Yes, that’s even after he had more touchdowns (five) than incompletions (3) against UAB.

Miami (FL) 21 (2-0) , No. 12 Florida 16 (1-1): I think Florida just turned the ball over again.

No. 13 Oklahoma State 56 (2-0) , UTSA 35 (1-1): If only their up and down play was Okie’s only problem.

No. 17 Michigan 41 (2-0) , No. 14 Notre Dame 30 (1-1): What’s there to say that hasn’t been said on every single sports network every single hour since Saturday night?

Brigham Young 40 (1-1) , No. 15 Texas 21 (1-1): I got a game ball from this game. Evidently I scored on the Texas D too.

No. 16 Oklahoma 16 (2-0) , West Virginia 7 (1-1): It’s just like the Big XII to post a score like thi…wait. What? OU is going to have to ride the legs of running back Brennan Clay if they want to compete for a conference championship this year.

No. 19 Northwestern 48 (2-0) , Syracuse 27 (0-2): I said before the season that this was probably the most talented Wildcats team on paper ever. They’re making me look good so far.

No. 21 Wisconsin 48 (2-0) , Tennessee Tech 0 (1-1): Did I say these #cupcakegames are the worst yet?

No. 22 Nebraska 56 (2-0) , Southern Miss 13 (0-2): See what happens when you stop playing prevent defense the entire game, Bo?

No. 23 Baylor 70 (2-0) , Buffalo 13 (0-2): Baylor is the clear-cut favorite to win the Big XII. There’s no joke or witty remark here.

No. 24 TCU 38 (1-1) , Southeastern Louisiana 17 (1-1): Yeah, all that Casey Pachall noise before the season may be all for naught.

Washington State 10 (1-1) , No. 25 USC 7 (1-1): Do not watch the replay of this game. Please. I beg you.

Must-see TV for Week 3:

UCLA at Nebraska, Saturday (Noon ET): Expect points and lots of ’em as the Huskers seek revenge for their loss to the Bruins last year. Also, these duds are pretty slick…

h/t: Bay Area Huskers Facebook Page

h/t: Bay Area Huskers Facebook Page

As a Nebraska fan, I hope we’re not dressing up for our own funeral.

Alabama at Texas A&M, Saturday (3:30 p.m. ET): You already know.

Tennessee at Oregon (SAME TIME AS BAMA-A&M): Is this worth previewing since this is on at the same time as the Game-of-the-Century-Until-the-Next-Big-Game-Involving-The-SEC? I love Oregon, but I think this will be closer than the experts think. Either way, you probably won’t see it.




  1. Brian Brashaw

    September 11, 2013 at 4:08 pm

    Just an FYI, we’re keeping it local and calling Cupcake games Jones Brothers Games. Get some!

    • Derek Hernandez

      September 12, 2013 at 7:04 am

      I like it.

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