Entertainment

Avengers: Endgame Individual Awards

There’s this little indie film that came out last weekend called Avengers: Endgame. It’s pretty good and I hope you see it, it could use your support.

After seeing the film and talking about it for a majority of the past week, some of the brightest minds on the No Coast Bias staff (including yours truly) decided to single out some individual characters from the movie for some awards.

Enjoy.

Most Valuable Avenger

Derek Hernandez – If they retcon the rat that brought Ant-Man back from the Quantum Realm to be honorary Avenger Loki, then him. Otherwise, it has to be Tony Stark. Him making the ultimate sacrifice aside, the man learned time travel was a possibility before dinner and figured the whole damn thing out before he brushed his teeth for the night. That’s my quarterback.

Robby Cowles: Without Tony, the Avengers would have just taken turns being turned into baby and old versions of themselves by Banner. He got to have the child he always wanted, gave his dead dad the hug he regretted he always regretted and saved the universe with the snap of his fingers. We stan a Stark.

Daniel Soden: No one sacrificed more than Tony Stark. Matter of fact I want to rename the MVP category the Tony Stark Memorial Award. There isn’t much I can add that hasn’t already been said about Tony’s heroic feats. From figuring out time travel before bed to snapping his fingers and defeating literally the greatest threat to society ever, this man gave us his all and now all we have are some cravings for hamburgers to remember him by.

Avenger Who’d Be the Best Hang

DH: I’m unsure what this category is supposed to be about, but if I’m supposed to tell you who I’d most want to have a beer with, then it’s Old Man Cap. That dude has seen some shit and I’m all ears.

RC: Fat Thor is an easy choice here but instead I’m going with his rock-based best friend, Korg. Not only is Korg super chill with just eating pizza, drinking beer and playing Fortnite for five years, he doesn’t even make Thor feel self-conscious for putting on a few pounds. And, he’s sensitive to triggering words around his friend that remind him of past trauma. Korg doesn’t judge, only accepts. That’s who you want to hang with.

DS: I’m going the ever so lovable Bruce Banner. The guy is the perfect hang for a variety of reasons. Right off the bat, no one in their right mind is going to try and start a fight with you guys because you’re chilling with The Hulk. Number two, this guy is one of the smartest scientists on the planet, Google who? Add to the fact that everyone knows him and seems to adore him so you’ll get VIP treatment where ever you go. The height difference does weigh on me a bit, but the Tall & Small friend combo has historically been one of the best one-two punches in any situation.

Smush Parker Award

(Avenger who did nothing, but we still talk about)

DH: Rocket. Not because he wasn’t useful, but because my Build-A-Bear brother from another didn’t get nearly as much screen time as he deserved.

RC: I was never a huge fan of Black Widow and her ability to say some of the most cringe-worthy quips in the Avengers movies, so I didn’t feel too bad when she died. It was honestly the most impactful thing she could have done. Also confused why some say Hawkeye should have been the one to jump on Vormir? He has a family, people! Widow does not!

DS: Clint “Smush” Barton is the only name need mention. Not only did he create issues for the weird group of Avengers left in the aftermath (Which I don’t get why that wasn’t addressed. Dude was just out there killing everyone.) but he also almost messed up the time travel mission by contacting his family. He couldn’t even sacrifice himself without screwing it up, he got dropped by old evil Nebula and almost lost the gauntlet, his arrow game is weak and his choice in haircut was questionable for a man his age.


Most Improved Avenger

DH: Cap. Dude dropped a curse word, kicked his own ass, admired his own ass, and dropped the literal hammer on Thanos. If all that doesn’t show how much he’s grown, I don’t know what else to tell you.

RC: Kind of breaking the rules here because I don’t think Nebula is technically an Avenger, but I think I shared everyone’s surprise at how integral she was to the plot! Karen Gillian should be a star immediately. She’s so good at balancing intensity, comedy and emotion while wearing three-tons of blue makeup and speaking in a Christian Bale Batman voice.

DS: I’d say Nebula has been coming along since the first Guardians movie, where her character really got the time to shine here. I’m assuming we’re going to count her as an Avenger if not her I’d give it to Scott for not messing up and coming up with the game plan.

Biggest “Holy Shit” Moment

DH: Cap picking up Mjolnir was dope, extremely dope, but that “splash page” shot just before the final battle was the greatest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. And then “Avengers Assemble.” For just a moment, I was a kid again. *chills*

RC: TESSA THOMPSON FLYING INTO BATTLE ON A GOD DAMN PEGASUS IS MY NEW RELIGION.

DS: Hands down the biggest moment of the movie was when everyone came together, a worn down Cap looked around and said, “Avengers Assemble.” The best way I can describe the feeling is like watching your child walk across the stage at graduation, accept their diploma & not fall down the steps doing something incredibly dumb. I’d like to imagine there isn’t a prouder moment in a parent’s life.

Biggest Missed Opportunity

DH: Luis rolling up to the final battle in the time machine van. I’m joking, sort of. But really, the absolute biggest missed opportunity was not seeing this portrayed in the movie:

Honorable Mention: Hulk getting his “win” back against Thanos. He should’ve been the one to knock off 2023 Thanos’ block off instead of Thor.

RC: Maybe it’s my own expectations, but the use of Captain Marvel in this movie felt off. She was built up as the only being strong enough to stop Thanos and is MIA for a majority of the movie. Even her arrival at the end felt a bit flat. Think Carol just works better in her own movie rather than someone else’s.

DS: Captain Marvel was an afterthought the majority of this movie, I honestly forgot she was even in it before her return during the final battle. I just wish they used her to her full potential in this, instead of an, “oh you got a haircut.”

Best Memeable Moment

DH: I want to say the entire movie because the entire Twitterverse was memeing the movie without context and it was incredible. As for one moment…

My life mostly resembles Fat Thor’s at the moment, except no super powers. #AvengersEndame pic.twitter.com/WqAqm6Eiwh— Bobby Coleman (@BobbyGlobe) April 26, 2019


RC: Fat Thor is a walking “big mood” meme (at least for me), but I can see myself using a gif of Strange holding up just one finger in numerous situations in the future, especially when it comes to alcohol consumption.

DS: Fat Thor is going to end up being the most used for memes and rightfully so. However, I have been enjoying the America’s Ass memes/jokes.

Most Replaceable Avenger

(Bonus: what non-MCU character you would replace them with)

DH: Captain Marvel. She wasn’t necessary to the movie at all and not including her would’ve saved the writers the five minutes they spent on her character.

This is what it felt like when Thor “approved” of her.

As for a non-MCU replacement, I’m going with Dominic Toretto. My man would’ve rolled up to space in a muscle car to save Tony and Nebula and it would have owned.

RC: No disrespect to Don Cheadle, but does anyone care what happens to War Machine? No one’s missing him if we just get rid of him. I’m tempted to swap him with Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman because she’s the best non-Marvel superhero right now, but I’ll say Jason Momoa’s Aquaman solely for the purpose of watching him and Thor argue over whether a trident or hammer is cooler. Don’t act like you wouldn’t love that.

DS: Let’s bounce Captain Marvel, she was barely given any screen time and a joke about her hair really isn’t doing it. Now I’d replace her with Larry David. Yes, I said Larry David.

Imagine Scott Lang breaking down time travel to everyone at headquarters and Larry, while making a sandwich, chimes in doing his usual bit where he lacks any self-awareness. Comedy gold.

When they attack Thanos for the first time and he starts going on about why he did what he did I could see Larry turning to everyone and saying “You know what! He’s got a point” as Thor charges in and slices Thanos’ head off.  

Undertaker Award

(Un-snapped character who had the best return from the dead)

DH: Spider-Man. Instant Kill. That is all.

RC: Sam Wilson started Endgame dead but was the new Captain America by the end of it! He also was the voice that first said something to Cap (I think that was him) as the reveal that everyone is back and had his coolest (probably only cool) moment as an Avenger when he stabbed a big monster guy right in the chest with his wings. Pretty good!

DS: WE WON MR. STARK…..if your pick didn’t utter those words you picked the wrong character.

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