NFL

A Denverite Denies his Love for Tim Tebow now that Manning is in Town

(On March 21st the Denver Broncos traded their “star” quarterback, Tim Tebow, to the New York Jets after wooing Free Agent Peyton Manning to town.  Faced with a quarterback option that is light years better, Denver fans are now backtracking to let everyone know that they weren’t actually “Tebow Fans” and that they truly wanted a better QB under center. Here is one totally real conversation that took place):

 

Non-Denverite: Hey, man! I can’t believe that Manning signed with the Broncos. That must be tough for you being that you loved Tebow so much.

Denverite: I know! I’m so stoked for this year! I didn’t like Tebow that much, though. In fact, I thought that his offensive production was way overblown by those Yahoos over at ESPN. He really wasn’t that good.

Non-Denverite: Yeah, I know he wasn’t that good. But, didn’t I see a bunch of pictures of you on Facebook sporting a Tebow jersey?

Denverite: What? Oh, no, that wasn’t a Tebow jersey. I’ve had that thing for years. It’s actually a Donald Woolsley jersey from ’83. He was a big part of the offense that year…and one of my all-time favorite Broncos.

Non-Denverite: I think you just made that name up. Plus, wasn’t the game you went to last season the first Broncos game you’ve ever attended?

Denverite: Well, yeah. But, I mean, I just wanted to take my son on a fun little trip to see how real football is played. You know, hard hits! Interceptions!

Non-Denverite: Your son was only two months old at the time. And didn’t you forget him in the car in your haste to make it into the stadium?

Denverite: I don’t know what you’re talking about, man. I am a great father; a great father that doesn’t love Tim Tebow.

Non-Denverite: Dude, I saw it on the news. You got arrested by the police for child neglect. You were shirtless and wearing orange body paint as you were being led to the police car.

Denverite: I may have been just a bit excited about seeing my first NFL game. It wasn’t because of Tebow, though.

Non-Denverite: You had “Marry Me Tim” written on your chest…in glitter. And I think you referenced Right Said Fred on your back.

Denverite: Nah, I’ve never liked Right Said Fred. Their music is too showy and provocative.

Non-Denverite: So…you want to marry Tim Tebow?

Denverite: Ugggh, no way, dude! Why would I want to marry someone with such a magnetic personality and soft, supple lips? Weird, man, just weird.

Non-Denverite: I’m sorry. I think I went a bit too far there. You should just be excited that Tebow is gone from Denver!

Denverite: Yeah, you did go a…wait, what? Don’t be so mean. He led us to our best season ever. We should probably erect a statue in his honor, or, you know, honor him in some way.

Non-Denverite: The Broncos won back-to-back super bowls in ’97 and ’98 seasons. Those were their best seasons ever. C’mon, let’s just agree that Manning is a much better quarterback to have than Tebow.

[Rustling noise followed by a loud “thud”]

Non-Denverite: Holy crap, dude! Did you just throw something at me?

Denverite: Yeah! I did! But, lucky for you I intentionally threw it too short.

Non-Denverite: [Laughs] Just like Tebow, eh?

Denverite: You shut your lying mouth!

[Non-Denverite picks up the thrown object and unrolls it]

Non-Denverite: Gross! These are your dirty tighty whiteys!

Denverite: Well, you deserved it. You keep saying that I love Tebow.

Non-Denverite: Wait. Your undies have a love note written on them. Were you going to throw this onto the field at Tebow in the hope that he would read it and be with you forever?

Denverite: You act like you’ve never seen a love note before. I made that for my wife.

Non-Denverite: It’s addressed to “Tim” and I think it’s written in your blood.

Denverite: I love Tim Tebow.

Non-Denverite: Yeah, I know.

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