If you’re reading this it’s not too late. The Drake and Meek Mill beef is still in its relative infancy. And if their respective marketing teams and BET have anything to do with it, this vendetta that started with Meek Mill claiming Drake plagiarizes is about to go from 0 to 100 real quick. But is a beef that stems from the way most people pass high school English, the best way to start a rap war?
I’m no expert but I have watched a lot of Gangland and I’m pretty sure this beef is far from filet mignon. “Shots fired” is a lot more like “water balloons tossed” when screen printed t-shirts and Instagram are involved. “Jawing” at a kickball game makes self-proclaimed cat lady, Taylor Swift’s most recent feuds seem more aggressive. Hell, even a couple of teenage-angst fueled Team Edward vs. Team Jacob Twilight scrums resulted in middle school detentions. But I guess that’s what happens when you have a feud between a guy raised on the set of wholesome kids show and a rapper who chose a pseudonym that is synonymous with submissive, yielding and obedient. Call me old school, or a middle class white guy, but this “beef” seems more like a lean cut of poultry to me.
Nonetheless, the likes of TMZ, Sway from MTV and people with GEDs make this newsworthy. To help put this melodrama in perspective, I give you 5 (not necessarily rap) beefs that are much more intriguing:
Rap: Everyone knows about the Big and Pac story. Hollywood and the music scene began exploiting this vendetta even before Mase’s 15 minutes of fame were up. But the undercard on the rap edition of MTV’s Celebrity Death Match would be Nas and Jay-Z. Not unlike the power vacuum that erupted when Veto Corleone passed in the tomato garden, Nas and Jay-Z’s beef started out of the need to fill the void the godfather of rap left behind when he died. The drama escalated quickly and produced a flurry of tracks and public disses that lasted years. No clear cut winner emerged, but Jay-Z is worth a billion dollars and married to Beyonce.
History: Before chivalry was dead and when masculinity was measured by the amount of powder in your wig, men would play a real life version of Call of Duty when they got their bloomers in a bunch. Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr partook in the earliest version of “ball don’t lie” to settle their disputes by engaging in a duel, which had been legal until only a few years prior. Not unlike the Meek Mill and Drake beef, their quarreling began after Alexander Hamilton’s defamation of then Vice President, Aaron Burr. Although slightly longer than 140 characters and written in the Queens English, these 18th century diss tracks escalated quickly and ended with Alexander Hamilton getting ghosted.
Tech: In what is the biggest nerd beef since Leeroy Jenkins betrayed his crew in World of Warcraft, Steve Jobs and Bill Gates engaged in the biggest poindexter dick measuring contest this world has seen. A good Star Wars vs Star Trek battle wouldn’t be complete without some irrational quotes by the two introverts: “He really never knew much about technology, but he had an amazing instinct for what works” (Steve Jobs on Bill Gates) Burn! They resolved their beef in only a way nerds could (no, not by battling Pokemon): in court. Of course since both of these men are some of the richest on earth, we’ll call this a draw, a revenge of the nerds indeed.
Sports: Rivalry and beefing is as ingrained in sports as illegal gambling and use of PEDs. Magic/Bird, Federer/Nadal and Tiger/Phil come to mind. But the best sports feuds happen off the court, field or pitch. Like the time Mike Tyson threatened to eat Lennox Lewis’ babies. But one of the best feuds has been the KG/Melo beef. Using a General Mills cereal to diss a grown man and have that man try to attack you not only during the game but in the parking lot, WWE style, has to put KG on par with B-Rabbit’s lines in 8 Mile. This one likely won’t go away, just fade away like these two aging star’s careers.
Faux-sports: Wrestling may be no more real than the jousting at Medieval Times, but it has produced some very real feuds (besides being totally scripted). Before he was going all Michael Richard’s during his sex video, Hulk Hogan was part of one of the greatest rivalries in professional wrestling: Hulk Hogan and Macho Man Randy Savage. These two roided out legends exchanged slap chops and incoherent words backstage. Although most wrestling historians would argue Hulk Hogan was more influential and decorated, Macho Man just scored a posthumous TKO with WWE’s clean break from Hulkamania, post-scandal.
Simply put, the ACME TNT and mallet laden feud between Tom and Jerry has been more mature and noteworthy than the Meek and Drake beef. Short of bitch slapping at the Source Awards I’m not sure how much worse this can get. So when Twitter is blowing up with the latest Meek and Drake chapter, do yourself a favor and go down the rabbit hole of Wiki tripping on one of the feuds mentioned above.
Tyler Morin (@entryrevel) is the founder and editor-in-chief at EntryRevel.com, a guide to and as escape from the real world for the underpaid and overserved millennial. He has been writing for NCB for roughly 3 days.