Entertainment

How I Got Kanye to Release The Life of Pablo

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It would be wrong to take all the credit but I don’t need to be too humble, either. I have to be honest: we wouldn’t have Kanye West’s new album, The Life of Pablo, if it weren’t for me. At least not right now. Such is the power of persistence. And Twitter.

It was my fault to begin with, anyway. I should have known Kanye was going to take liberties with his album release date. He’s earned that right, and he took full advantage of it. I thought once his fashion show/album release ended that he’d put up the album somewhere that we the people could purchase it. But as Kanye is not of this earth and probably doesn’t follow the Gregorian calendar, I soon realized how wrong I was. I had to get to work.

Instead of offering the album, he invited us to re-watch his show. That’s not what I wanted. Sure, it was a strong suggestion, and perhaps a little bit rude. But it got the point across and emphasized I was willing to pay. It’s a good start.

Then he created a new album cover, this time with a butt. Cool, but again, not what I wanted.

He changed the subject once again, to pictures from his show. This time I felt I needed to use a colloquial term of endearment to keep his focus on me and my request. And still I waited.

Changed up the term but kept the message the same. Took a risk and added a “please.” Did it sound desperate? I was hoping not.

I had clearly lost him within his own little (maybe huge) world. I had to bring him back with a little more force.

I was finally getting through. It may not have been the album, but it was music. That was miles ahead of whatever other nonsense he was spouting off with before this. We had to be getting close…

The album was going to come out! He said it! I was too excited to realize that I had fallen into the same trap once again. I am the damn Wile E. Coyote.

WHO GIVES A DAMN ABOUT DIDDY AT A TIME LIKE THIS?

Good God.

I lost hope. I went full desperation. I can’t believe this guy is still out screenshotting articles for his beef with Nike while an album sits there unreleased. What more could I do? I tried force, friendliness, and now desperation. I was like a guy trying to win the girl in a romantic comedy that you realize a few days later was a full-on stalker. I’m not proud of it, but it had to be done.

This was the turning point. I had him. He made the mistake of bringing up money. I had to pounce. Let me help you with that! Finally, it got through his big head (I say this with love) that he could make money by selling his record to me, and millions of people like me.

Mere hours later, he growled at the Saturday Night Live audience that his album was now on Tidal and his website.

https://vine.co/v/inxQeKZvrdb

Not an ideal release, but it was still a victory. It was out. I won.

It’s the proper thing to do. If you receive something, send a thank you note to the person who gave you a gift.

And that’s how it happened. If you would like to thank me, I understand. But I was only doing my duty as a citizen and music listener. All praise goes to Kanye. Even though he’s still in debt and asking for money, I did my part and signed up for Tidal. I’m just trying to help. I’ll go listen to the album for the 142nd time now. Have a good day.

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