The NFL Draft is a series of phone calls and paperwork filings, extended into a multi-day television event. Most fans, if not all, will tune in for round one to see who gets drafted first overall, and who their own favorite team’s first pick is. Some stick around for rounds two and three, you know, maybe they throw it on as background noise while they attend to more pressing matters.
Personally, I have never met anyone who stays glued to their television for rounds four through seven, though I am sure they are out there somewhere. It is just hard to imagine staying invested in such a monotonous process for what probably approaches a full 24 hours worth of television. This is especially true by round seven, when drafted player names keep popping up on-screen, and it is hard to tell if they are actual people, or just a series of randomly generated phrases meant to look like names in an attempt to deceive the viewer into thinking they are watching something of substance.
Well, guess what? I am here to tell you that me from the end of the previous paragraph is a moron! Even the seventh round allows teams a chance to draft talents that are totally actual people that can totally make an actual impact. Donald Driver, Shannon Sharpe, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Marques Colston: those guys are all former seventh round picks that have gone on to have careers that the likes of Ryan Leaf and Charles Rogers can only dream of. Hell, Shannon Sharpe is in the god damn Hall of Fame! With that in mind, let’s highlight some of these could-be all-time good to great players from round seven of the 2016 NFL Draft.
Devin Lucien – 225th Overall to New England
“‘¿Cómo está usted?’ or ‘Comment allez-vous’ Lucien, I’ll leave it up to you.” Anyone with the last name Lucien should automatically queue up A Tribe Called Quest’s “Luck of Lucien” in your head, and should therefore be your friend (even if that song did come out before Devin Lucien was born.) Frankly, as a wide receiver taken by the New England Patriots, you have to like this guy’s odds of getting yelled at by Tom Brady for screwing up a route, at the least.
Steven Daniels – 232nd Overall to Washington
Steven Daniels. Lee Daniels. Lee Pace. Calvin Pace. Calvin Harris. Richard Harris. Richard Dawkins. Darryl Dawkins. Darryl Philbin. Joe Philbin. Joe Montana. Helena, Montana. Helena Bonham Carter. Jimmy Carter. Jimmy Hart. Kevin Hart. Kevin Bacon. Think about it.
Lachlan Edwards – 235th Overall to New York Jets
This pick traveled the longest distance to get to where it is, and not only because Lachlan Edwards is from Australia. The New York Jets acquired the pick via a trade with Denver via a trade with Houston via a trade with Los Angeles, who was still St. Louis at the time. That is approximately 4,767 miles this pick had to travel, and about 15,118 if you account for Edwards having to come to Jets training camp from his home in Australia. That is more than some people will travel in their entire lives… Anyway, the Jets apparently needed a punter so, good pick?
Clayton Fejedelem – 245th Overall to Cincinnati
Mystery plays a big factor in this one. Well, aside from the usual mystery of not knowing who these people getting drafted in the seventh round actually are. Like, what is the etymology of Fejedelem. How does one even begin to pronounce Fejedelem? Feh-jeh-deh-lehm? Feh-jee-dehlem? Fay-che-day-leem? The sheer novelty of announcers attempting to pronounce it alone is probably worth the draft pick. That is a high return on value for a seventh round pick!
Prince Charles Iworah – 249th Overall to San Francisco
Teams should always strive to be as grand as they can. Nothing will help more in achieving that goal than adding royalty to your roster! It just brings a sense of class that reverberates throughout the entire organization. The formal wear. The polo. The corgis. Expect Prince Charles Iworah to make the 49ers KINGS in the near future. *Guffaws audibly whilst eating caviar*
Scooby Wright III – 250th Overall to Cleveland
So you are telling me, not only is this man named SCOOBY Wright, but he is the third Scooby Wright?! What a name to inherit! Too bad the NFL does not let players put their first names on the backs of their jerseys, because this one would sell out fast. Wait, wait, wait. Scooby Daniels, presumably named after Scooby Doo, is playing for the Cleveland Browns, a team whose fan base is called the DAWG Pound?! Natural fit, you guys. Natural fit.
Kalan Reed – 253rd Overall to Tennessee
This year’s “Mr. Irrelevant,” a dubious honor that gets paraded around as if it is not a real dick move to label someone “Irrelevant” before they even play a snap. If you go to Kalan Reed’s Wikipedia page, it already lists ” Mr. Irrelevant (2016)” under his Career Highlights and Awards. Like, way to kick a guy while he is down, and he is only down because he has not been given an actual chance to stand up yet. I hope Kalan Reed wins all the Super Bowls. (Note to self: “Mr. Irrelevant” would be a good article headline if/when Ted Cruz snatches the nomination at a contested Republican Convention this summer.)