Derek J. Hernandez

2013 NFL Draft Weekend Viewer’s Guide: What to Watch For

With the first pick of the 2013 NFL Draft, the Kansas City Chiefs select…

We’re only a few days away from hearing those words from Roger Goodell and you may be wondering to yourself, “What do I need to watch for as I flip back and forth from ESPN and NFL Network’s coverage of the NFL Draft?”

There’s no need to channel your inner Romo and panic. I’ve created a “Viewer’s Guide” for both the casual viewer and die-hard fan to reference as they watch hundreds of athletes realize their dreams and pledge their allegiance to Lord Goodell.

…and with the first item to watch for during the 2013 NFL Draft…

The Same Old Song

New year, different song…played over and over and over

Well, that’s usually the case. This year, however, ESPN has switched things up a tad and assigned 50 Cent and the English rock band The Heavy to create the tunes that will be used coming in and out of commercial breaks and in highlight packages of this year’s NFL Draft prospects. From the what I’ve gathered from this article, it seems like we’ll hear a group of four songs ad nauseum instead of the usual one track.

No matter what the songs sound like, let’s all pray they are better than Cee Lo Green’s horrendous ode to football.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0SbQz8itNE

The Copycat League Doing Copycat Things

As the one of many NFL cliches go, the NFL is a “Copycat League”. Given the recent success of fleet-footed quarterbacks, we can be rest assured that we’ll see NFL teams reach and draft the likes of Denard Robinson and Collin Klein with the hopes of turning them into the next Colin Kaepernick or at the very least, Christian Ponder-Steele.

Will this arm be the future of your favorite team?

Will this arm be the future of your favorite team?

The Journey of the Honey Badger

Which NFL team will take the chance of drafting the instinctive yet troubled Tyrann Mathieu? And even looking past his off the field transgressions, will Mathieu’s average coverage skills but knack for always being in the right place at the right time translate into success at the “next level”?

Finally, although Mathieu’s not expected to be in attendance, I’m disappointed in the lack of “green room” jokes across the web. Step it up, guys.

The Te’o Effect

The anticipation leading up to Te’o being taken off the board will be nothing like we’ve seen since Tim Tebow at the 2010 NFL Draft, but the fallout AFTER the pick should be a doozy as well. If your favorite team drafts him, be ready for never-ending jokes about imaginary girlfriends and “Teo’ing“. The Twittersphere should be wildly entertaining as well.

Breakout WAGs

Speaking of girlfriends and social media, which co-ed will “break out” from relative obscurity and be exploited for cheap page views across sports blogs in the immediate future? While next year’s draft already has an “NFL-Ready” WAG, we’ve yet to hear any rumblings of potential breakout WAGs for this year. It’s up to us to “create” that next star…or spot that next…well, whatever this is:

WAAAAAGGGG

WAAAAAGGGG

The Niners (Potential) Draft Gold

After years of maneuvering, San Francisco has amassed 13(!) total draft picks for this year’s draft alone. While the division rival Seahawks have made the biggest splash so far this off-season, the 49ers have a chance to re-load themselves and dictate how this draft will play out.

Pro-Style Ducks?

After the Eagles tabbed Chip Kelly to replace Andy Reid, the assumption was that the former Head Duck was going to pick up anyone and everyone that was even loosely associated with the college version of the spread. Will Kelly go out and find himself a quarterback familiar with his break-neck style? Or is he satisfied with his QB combo of Vick and Foles? Does Kelly draft his former defensive standout Dion Jordan? Does he go all Steve Spurrier on us and reassemble his college crew to take on the big boys of the NFL? It’ll be interesting to see.

SEC-You Later B1G

There’s a total of 10 SEC players that are invited to this week’s draft. Mel Kiper and Todd McShay predict 13 and 11 SEC players will be drafted in the first round, respectively. The Big Ten may go without a first round selection for the first time since 1952. Yikes.

This is the SEC/B1G Draft comparison in one image.

This is the SEC/B1G Draft comparison in one image.

The Best of the Rest

Here’s the rest of the what to watch for, in question form:

  • Who will be the best/worst dressed draftees?
  • Where will this year’s weak crop of QBs be drafted?
  • Will anyone win the “Aaron Rodgers Green Room Straggler” award?
  • Which NFL legend will mumble through reading their former team’s draft selection?
  • How many trades will New England make…before the 10th pick?
  • Which team will trade up to make that highly-questionable pick?
  • What’s the over/under on the number of inexplicable Tim Tebow mentions? Wes Welker comparisons?
  • What cliche will join the likes of “He’s a football player”, “Character Guy”, “He’s got a motor”, “His/Their Game is Portable” and “Upside”?
  • Will Jon Gruden dislike ANY player?
  • Will NFL Network roll out any other hot-teacher looking on-air talent? I’m looking at you Stacey Dales, Michelle Beisner, Alex Flanagan, Rebecca Haarlow, Molly Qerim, Lindsay Rhodes, Melissa Stark, Amber Theoharis…

You’re on the clock for 2014, Jets…

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